Amara Sage: “People always ask ‘what are you?’ I’m a human!”
The author on writing the characters she wanted to see, learning to love herself and conversations on race
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week I’m speaking to author Amara Sage, who is of white British, Irish and Black Caribbean heritage. Amara’s debut novel, Influential, follows mixed-race teen influencer Almond Brown as she struggles with the pressures of life online, including anonymous threats and microaggressions. Drawing from her own experiences to create Almond’s world, read Amara’s story below.
How do you define your identity?
My mum is white British and Irish, my dad is Black Caribbean from Jamaica. I grew up in a very white area of Bristol and I was the only girl who wasn’t white in my school year. Because of that, I didn’t see myself as not white until I was a teenager and started to realise that I was different. Then, I wanted to embrace my Black and mixed heritage as well as just ‘passing’ as white. People assuming that you’re white conjures up confused feelings of blanketing this whole other side of your personality or being.
What was that journey like for you?
I used to straighten my hair when I was younger – I didn’t want anyone to know it was curly. I also remember loving My Chemical Romance, but thinking ‘this feels like it’s not for me.’ I’m so glad young people now aren’t put into these boxes where you have to look a certain way to be into rock or heavy music, or can look up hair tutorials online.
The internet was a big awakening for me, seeing girls who had similar experiences to me talking about their daily lives made me feel like I wasn’t alone. The more we crept towards 2020, the more I wanted to embrace that side of my culture.
Did you ever speak to your family about being mixed?
I didn’t. I lived with my mum and I was very close to the white side of my family. Back in the early 2010s, race wasn’t a conversation that was had openly. It still isn’t really in my family. I don’t think they saw me as any different. I’d imagine they didn’t want me to feel singled out too. We didn’t have the language or experience to talk openly about feelings of exclusion.
As I’ve gotten older, I understand that a lot of my Black friends and family subdued their Blackness to try to fit in. My aunty says she would hate the colour of her skin. I really feel for past generations who didn’t have the internet. I hope I can talk about this with my son when he’s older and that he feels like he can ask me anything.
Has your sense of self changed over time and place?
I went to University of Kent for a year, living in a very conservative area even though the uni itself was diverse. Walking around town, I felt looked at. When I went to Bath Spa University, I lived in a diverse area of Bristol called St Pauls. It’s a melting pot.
Place makes a difference, seeing people like you walking down the street. I used to say to my mum, “I feel like people are looking at me” and she’d say I was just paranoid, but I wonder if it just wasn’t on her radar because she’s never had that feeling.
Do you think there are stereotypes of what it means to be mixed? How do you want the conversation to develop?
I think as mixed people we’re glamorised as exotic. People always ask “what are you?” I’m a human!
We often think of mixed-race people as just two races or ethnicities, but that’s changing. As technology and society develops, maybe we’ll be looking less at people in groups and more integrating everybody’s experiences as one. That’s a very hippy answer, but I hope the closer we get, the less secular we are. In recent years especially, people are getting closed off and thinking “I look like this, so I must hate you.” It sometimes feels like we’re going backwards a bit.
But now I’ve said that, does that mean we’ll lose our identity? My feelings change from day to day. Maybe if we can connect based on the experience of ‘it was difficult for me having multiple ethnic backgrounds that I was trying to incorporate into the way I interact with the world. That was hard for me, was it hard for you?’ and then we can identify that way, less in heritage and religions and more in making connections ourselves.
What made you want to write Influential, and why was it important for Almond to be mixed?
Setting plays a really big part in the book. Living with my white mum in that suburban, conservative area, I felt outside of that, whereas my dad lives in a more diverse, working class area. That meant there were less barriers and everyone felt more comfortable – it was less curtain-twitchy. I used setting to show those different parts of Almond’s life, how she creates her own world where she can be both of these parts of herself. I was constantly going from one family to another. Having that separateness made me separate these two halves of me inside, even though I didn’t really think of race like that.
Writing a mixed character was so important for me because I never had that growing up. I would read Jacqueline Wilson books cover to cover and what I wouldn’t have given as an eight year old to have one of those girls look like me! I also wanted the book to not just be about race, I thought it was important that a mixed-race character can have a romance and be involved in quite a scary plot. I hope younger readers who are perhaps struggling with feeling like they don’t belong in one side of their life or like they have to fit a mould can see themselves.
What’s the best thing about being mixed for you?
The confidence and sense of identity I have as an adult. I love my brown skin, it’s a part of me. I love that I have freckles from my mum, but curly hair from my dad. I don’t want to concentrate on looks because it’s not just about that, but I’m glad that I can appreciate that I don’t look like everybody else and that’s OK. I’m unique and my mixedness has a lot to do with that.
I love that I have two cultures and families that are very different from each other. Now I feel like I fit into both and don’t feel ashamed of one over the other. I’m glad that being mixed-race has made me do the work and embrace both sides of me equally.
Can you sum up your mixedness in one word?
Connected. I feel like I can relate to people, my family, both of my heritages, online communities… everybody.
Get your copy of Influential now. Shop more books about mixed identity at the Mixed Messages Bookshop page. Next week, I’ll be speaking to podcaster, presenter and ancient world specialist Jasmine Elmer. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox on Monday.
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi (by way of East Africa) and my dad is white British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.