Ana Yi Puig: “My soul has access to two different cultures and everything they’ve fought for”
The actress on being someone’s survival guide, actors’ responsibilities and subverting Asian expectations
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week I’m speaking to actress Ana Yi Puig, who is of Chinese and Puerto Rican heritage. You may have seen Ana in Netflix’s Senior Year or the Gossip Girl reboot, plus she’ll be hitting screens in the upcoming Goosebumps series on Disney+. As soon as I read an interview with Ana where she described herself as ‘China-Rican,’ I knew I had to explore her heritage more with her in this newsletter. Read Ana’s story below.
How do you describe your racial identity?
My mom was born in Shanghai and grew up in Beijing, China. My dad is from Puerto Rico. He migrated when he was 16, my mom to get her PHD and become a scientist. Their parents pushed them to come to the United States because of the opportunities and access to resources.
I get the impression that a lot of my physical features present predominantly Asian by the way people have treated me in the past, particularly in school. However, I tend to struggle with racial dysmorphia and racial imposter syndrome— I don’t know exactly how I appear to others or even myself sometimes. It can be tricky to feel empowered to claim an identity when I don’t feel that I look ‘enough’ of my ethnicity or my race. It’s been a real journey to feel like I truly belong amongst other Asian people because I’m not ‘Asian enough.’ I sometimes feel as though I’m not regarded as a fellow Asian in communities either, because I don’t quite fit in at first glance.
In my neighborhood in The Heights, there is a predominately Puerto Rican community. No one has really batted an eye, in the best way, because New York is such a diverse city— my experience there has been astronomically different than in Florida.
What was your experience like growing up?
I grew up in Gainesville, Florida. The University of Florida is such a famous school so Gainesville was a college town. That was the first time I saw so many young, diverse people. I was one of a few Asian kids in elementary school, and I only had a couple of Asian friends in middle school. There weren’t really any Puerto Rican people that I can remember either, the Hispanic population was quite small now that I think about it..
Because there weren’t many Asian people in the South, there was this fetishisation of Asian qualities. People would come up to me with the quintessential “where are you from? You’re so cute, you look like a doll! Can I touch your hair? I’m obsessed with you!”
“I came up with the term ‘Chinarican’ because it allowed me to have a special claim to my heritage, a secret word that made me feel strong. I was made to feel ashamed of my mix until later into high school, to be honest. I was so badly in the throws of societal pressure to achieve Eurocentric, western features. I found myself wanting to be a white woman; which in retrospect I have to give myself grace for, because in the South, blonde blue-eyed country bumpkins are really the standard of beauty.
My family always pushed me to be proud and embrace my culture when I was little. But once I realised we were in the minority of our community, I pushed back against it and erased everything about myself that had to do ethnicity and race— I wish I hadn’t. The term ‘Chinarican’ was also a defence mechanism to beat people to the punch of making fun of me or asking “what I was.” Now, it makes me feel unbelievably empowered.
I was bullied badly in middle school – not because of my race, but because of my mind. I’m not a pushover, which throws people off because they expect young Asian women to be submissive. People see me and expect me to be much quieter and softly spoken. The irony of it is that I didn’t grow up with any Asian family members besides my mom. My mom had a tough upbringing and I only met my grandparents once. I was raised by unapologetically loud, boisterous and blunt Puerto Rican people.
How did you connect to your Chinese and Puerto Rican heritages?
I spoke a little bit of Mandarin when I was a baby, and Spanish when I was young. In elementary school, no one spoke another language and I was embarrassed. I thought it was shameful by the way other kids made comments about it and didn’t also have families with accents. I remember I tried to assimilate to whiteness, always. I wanted to speak with no trace of an accent.
I think an unfortunate result of my mother wanting to shield us from the difficulties of her life in China was not teaching us about her culture. I think she feels very conflicted about Eastern and Western values. She assimilated to Puerto Rican culture quite a bit growing up, which my dad made sure we practiced. My whole house was Puerto Rican slang, music, clothes, everything. It was our responsibility to keep it going. But the older I get, the more I respectfully try to push the envelope in terms of knowledge. I want her to take me to China and learn about her life, her experiences, and her story.
Did you ever speak to your family about being mixed?
I spoke to my dad about being bullied, but not about being mixed. We didn’t have the language and the awareness that we have now, or movements like Black Lives Matter and Stop Asian Hate. If a boy called me ch*nk or threw something at me in class, it was “that boy’s an asshole” – that was the end of that conversation and not “what do you think about his instilled racism towards Asian people?”
How has your mixedness impacted your career? There are a lot of conversations about who should or shouldn’t play certain roles.
The team on Goosebumps has been unbelievable. I had a Korean writer for my episode and we spoke about ourselves as mixed-race children. They’ve been so supportive and warm about my culture and what’s authentic to me and bringing that to the show.
I think actors should take responsibility for the auditions they accept. A lot of people put it on casting, and I do think casting has more knowledge than they let on, but they’re not legally allowed to ask you about race. It transcends into the queer space as well, being asked to smack a label on something when you’re still trying to figure it out. That’s more reductive to me.
Anytime I’m called in for a Hispanic or Asian character, but in a different intersection, it’s important for me to address that immediately with my team. If I’m auditioning for a Korean, is that a core part of their story? I do believe it’s possible for me to play someone with a Korean parent, so long as the whole point of their story isn’t about Korean identity. That’s not a space I feel comfortable taking up. Actors need to take accountability for their truth and authenticity. It’s a grey area. Being mixed-race, we live in the grey area.
It’s also not beyond me to realise my privilege in being a light skinned Asian and Hispanic person. That changes the jobs I’m offered, because my skin and features make me more palatable to audiences.
What’s the best thing about being mixed for you?
I love that my soul has access to two completely different cultures. With that culture comes generations and generations of ancestors, and everything that either of those sides have fought for is in me. One of the things I truly love about myself is that I am a tough cookie. I am deeply feeling and sensitive, but I will never give up. I’ve never known where that perseverance comes from, I think it comes from my ancestors above me.
It feels really special to be something unique and not one thing. That used to hold a lot of shame for me, but now it’s my superpower. If I can leave any mixed person reading this with one thing, it’s to weaponise your uniqueness in the best way and be proud of it. Someone out there is going to see you and you’re going to be their survival guide. I’ve thought many a time about wanting to change my face and appearance, but someone watching me on Disney+ might pause it and see themselves in me— and if I can be their survival guide, that’s all that matters. That’s why I do what I do, and I wish I had had more of that growing up to see on my television.
Can you sum up your mixed experience in a word?
Stories. The main thing that my parents have given me to embrace my culture and learn more about myself are their stories and experiences.
Watch Ana now in Netflix’s Senior Year and keep an eye out for Goosebumps soon. I’m taking a Christmas break for the next couple of weeks – thank you all so much for your support throughout 2022! It means the world. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox in 2023.
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi (by way of East Africa) and my dad is white British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.