Anissa de Gomery: “I feel privileged that I didn't have to feel outside of my culture”
The FairyLoot founder on international culture, difference as downtime and having her eyes open
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week, I’m speaking to FairyLoot founder Anissa de Gomery, who is of mixed Thai and Belgian heritage. Anissa didn’t see much Asian representation in the books she read when she was younger, something that didn’t become noticeable until later. Now, Anissa is redressing the balance with FairyLoot, a book subscription service for fantasy lovers. The company landed her a spot on The Bookseller’s Rising Stars list. Read her story below.
How do you describe your identity?
My mum is Thai, my dad is Belgian. I grew up in Thailand until I was 18. I've always been very comfortable saying I’m half, I don’t say mixed-race as frequently because it's such a broad term and sometimes you don't want to open up the whole topic of conversation. In Thailand, we say ‘half-child’ or ‘halfie,’ so half is not something that I find offensive. In Thailand, [being mixed] is quite special for the most part. Growing up, you never felt like an outsider because of it.
I’m very proud of both of my heritages. I do consider myself more Thai than Belgian. I can speak Thai fluently. My French is not that fluent in comparison, even though I studied it for a very long time. If someone asks me in passing where I'm from, I'll just say I'm from Thailand – it’s faster.
What cultures were you immersed in growing up?
My mum was very Buddhist. She’s Theravada Buddhist. My dad’s Catholic, but he didn't practise it much. We’d go to the temple for every big Thai holiday and for celebrations like birthdays. It was a very everyday part of life. I feel privileged that I didn't have to think about it or feel outside of it.
Going to an international school, from the get-go you're immersed with other cultures all the time. It didn't really feel strange to be with people from different places. I didn't think about it until I came to London, then I realised ‘oh, maybe I’m a bit different to other people’s upbringings.’
Have you always felt comfortable in your identity?
I think as I've gotten older, I've become more proud. There was a point as a teenager – it sounds awful to say – where I wished I was white. Those were the girls getting all the attention. Now, I feel so lucky to be a halfie, as we’d say in Thailand. I love being from two different nationalities and two different cultures, It's not anything I'd ever want to change.
Have you noticed any stereotypes around mixed-race people?
I think there are a lot of assumptions about mixed relationships, or people might not expect your parents to still be together. It's just very presumptuous the way that some people ask about things.
Did you ever speak to your family about being mixed?
Not so much my mum, but I did speak to my dad a little bit. Especially when my fiance and I got together, he wanted to check if his parents were OK with accepting someone who was mixed-race. When my mum and dad got together in the early ‘80s, it was quite taboo, especially from his side, so he made sure to check when things were getting serious with my boyfriend.
I always said I'm proud to be different and it might mean that I can't understand every conversation at the dinner table, but as an introvert, I like the downtime.
How has Asian representation changed in literature over the years?
Growing up I didn't really think of myself as different because I was in such an international setting. I wasn’t really looking for myself because everything felt like me, everyone around me was from somewhere different. As I got older, I started to notice it. You just did not find Asian main characters written by Asian people, especially in the fantasy space, let alone mixed-race characters.
As I got older, I was always looking for it. It was really exciting when more books by Asian authors started to come out. Asian fantasy is my favourite type of fantasy and there’s been such a boom the last four years.
There’s less halfie stories out there. One of the few was The Beautiful by Renée Ahdieh, she’s quite a mix. I sent her a long email after I read it to say thank you. I think it was the first time where I felt a little bit of me was in there, someone who looks a little bit different but not fully different. I wouldn’t fit in with the full Thais, but I don't fit in with the full Belgians either. I think that's why I love London, I didn’t feel different.
What’s the best thing about being mixed for you?
I love that it's given me a chance to see different sides and cultures. I feel like it's really opened up my eyes to the world, more so than if I was one ethnicity. It's almost like your mind is sometimes split in two places. I feel very lucky. I feel like I have my mum’s voice in this ear, my dad’s voice in this ear and they’re literally yin and yang.
Can you sum up your mixed identity in one word?
Special. I just think it's something that we should be proud of. There's something different about us and we might not be able to fit in wherever we go, and that’s okay. I don’t always need to fit in, I don’t mind not always feeling like I should belong.
Shop FairyLoot, including the new romantasy box, here. Next week, I’ll be speaking to Sky Peals director Moin Hussain. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox on Monday. Shop Mixed Messages on Etsy now!
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi (by way of East Africa) and my dad is white British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.