Aux: “If I’m not mixed but not Black, what am I? A flannel?”
The singer on why nobody can box her in
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week I’m speaking to Aux, who is of mixed heritage. Another participant in the inaugural year of the PRS Foundation’s POWER UP network, Aux is the lead singer of rising Hackney collective GRAMN. Read on for Aux’s inimitable take on identity.
How do you define your ethnicity?
My mum’s mum is Portuguese, German, Irish and Scottish. My dad is blended Caribbean, Jamaican and Antiguan. My grandad is Gambian.
I identify as both a mixed person and a Black person. My experience has been more akin to a Black woman outwardly, but culturally, not so much. When I step into Caribbean or African spaces, I don’t know certain things. I spent a lot of my childhood with my white-presenting nan.
So how did you connect to your culture?
My mum used to play a lot of Gambian music in the house. But in terms of food, I didn’t try ackee until I was 25. It was just as normal for my mum to bake a loaf of bread or make her own butter. I sometimes get the feeling that I haven’t fully obtained all the culturally different parts of me.
Have you ever spoken about being mixed as a family?
I’ve had conversations with my mum and my siblings. Some of my extended family have had more Caribbean upbringings. My sister and I are supposedly the ‘white’ ones because we do things Black people ‘don’t do’, like getting in the sea in October.
How do you want the conversation around being mixed to change?
We need to be allowed to be mixed-race. Because of racism, people get pulled to their non-white culture and are seen as that. We shouldn’t have to choose, it’s OK to be both.
Stop asking me where I’m from, and stop deciding how you feel about me based on where I’m from. I shouldn’t be forced to look or act a certain way to be more ‘mixed’ or valuable.
Did you face any of those issues, being told how to identify?
At school I had mixed-race girls telling me I wasn’t mixed and Black girls telling me I wasn’t Black, so what am I? A flannel? So much of how you identify is based on how you’re viewed. We all end up with identity issues that aren’t ours, we’re holding other people’s issues. You don’t get to tell me I’m not Black enough or not fair enough to be mixed.
Has your heritage affected your music in any way?
I don’t feel like I need boundaries, even though I’m aware they exist, in terms of the genres I play with and my musical influences. I get to mess around. You don’t get to box me in because I can’t even box me in.
Do you think existing outside of labels is something that comes from being mixed?
In the world we’re in, people like to put you on the outside. Like a seed planted outside of a garden on the other side of the fence, you have a choice; do you grow or do you die? I’m not going to not grow because you said I don’t belong to the mixed-race club.
Can you sum up your mixed experience in one word?
Lit. I’m having a great time. It’s a beautiful thing to be mixed. If I didn’t love it, it’d be awful. I don’t see how it’s conducive to being a happy healthy human being.
Next week, I’ll be talking to Nick Eziefula, partner at law firm Simkins LLP. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox on Monday!
Editor’s note: A previous version of this newsletter incorrectly assigned heritages to Aux’s family members. This has been amended.
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi Indian (by way of East Africa) and my dad is White British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.