Becca Dudley: “There’s less room for mistakes, otherwise it’s ‘you don’t belong here’”
The presenter and DJ on leaving no room for failure, her musical upbringing and living authentically
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week, I’m speaking to presenter and DJ Becca Dudley, who is of mixed-Jamaican, white British and German heritage. Growing up in a musical household, it’s no surprise Becca favours reggae and dancehall, but her appearance has sometimes meant her validity in this space has been called into question. Read her story below.
How do you describe your identity?
I say I’m mixed-race. My mum is half-Jamaican, half-British, my dad is half-German, half-British. We grew up very much with my mum’s side and Black family around us. My mum is a champion of Jamaican culture, the food, the music, the way the family get together and switch to patois, that’s always been there. I don’t know my dad’s side much at all, both of his parents passed away before I was born.
Food and music feel like easy ways to be connected to culture – has that been the case for you?
I would say so. When you’re growing up, you just assume everyone is having rice and peas with your roast dinner. My favourite dish is something we call wet chicken. Fried dumplings, Johnny cakes as we call them, would be a normal breakfast.
The same with music, both my parents were musicians and met in a band, so there was always a lot of music playing in the house. You assume everyone grew up on Dennis Brown, Toots and the Maytals and John Holt. It wasn’t until I got older that I realised people didn’t know who they were.
Do people question your heritage?
It’s been a rollercoaster journey. Growing up, it was a problem. The first time I started to feel like something wasn’t right in myself was when Instagram started. I’d post things I liked, like Caribbean restaurants or my new trainers with a Jamaican flag on them. I started to get people saying, ‘why is this girl trying to be Black? Why is she begging this?’ I had braids one time and almost got cancelled, so I remember feeling quite confused, wondering if I should tone it down. But I’m just being my normal self, so that would mean pushing down a part of me, and that doesn’t feel authentic.
Not long after that, I started DJing. I went to Jamaica for the first time and completely fell in love with dancehall. Growing up, I never thought about it. But moving into this space, I came up against a few moments where I wondered about my validity. It’s a trigger point for me.
Now, I know who I am. How can someone else tell me what my identity is? You can’t deny my heritage and upbringing, even though people online still make comments about reggae not being my heritage. That would have irked me a lot more in my 20s.
The ups and downs are always going to be present in my life. I don’t want to turn up to a DJ set and people be like “who’s this white girl?” There’s less room for mistakes, because then it’s ‘you don’t belong here.’ That’s not me being in my head, that’s literally how people are. They’re watching you. So I think I do work harder in that sense because I don’t allow myself to fail. I walk around with quite a lot of anxiety.
I always feel a way talking about that because then it’s ‘poor girl who looks white,’ so it’s a difficult one. Yes I’ve come across a lot of barriers, but at the same time, looking the way I do and having the skin colour I do has given me so many opportunities and privileges that other women wouldn't have got. I’m super aware of that. That adds another layer of ‘do I deserve this job because I’m good or because I’m more palatable?
How do you want the conversation around mixed identity to change?
It feels like a newish conversation, so the more platforms we have like yours, the more conversations we have about it, the more confidence we’ll have to feel valid. Being mixed is quite a rare, isolating experience sometimes. It’s validating to read these interviews. You think you’re the only one going through certain things, but actually there’s a whole group of people.
A lot of people just see mixed as half-Black half-white, and it’s about having grace for people, because if you’re not exposed to these conversations, how would you know? I'm not out here cancelling people. There’s no way the conversation isn’t going to grow. Especially with things like Harry and Meghan’s baby – that baby is the same mix as me. I feel positive about the next generation.
Did you ever speak to your mum about being mixed?
Not until I was an adult, which she says is her biggest regret. She was always comfortable in her identity, in feeling both, and assumed everyone would feel like that. Me and my sisters definitely had a journey with it. It was just different times then, so it is what it is.
Has being mixed influenced your career?
Yes and no. If I hadn’t grown up with Jimmy Cliff and all these old school reggae legends playing all the time… we’ll never know the answer to that. Although there are a lot of people who grew up on that music who haven't made that their career, so maybe there is something. All I know is I feel something stronger in my heart. There’s something about reggae. I don’t know if that’s because I’m mixed-race, there probably is an element of finding validation.
There is something being exposed to different things and more than one culture. I do feel like I vibe with so many different types of people from different walks of life.
What’s the best thing about being mixed for you?
In the same way I feel a bit of an outsider sometimes, I have access to multiple communities and that’s a beautiful thing. I can move between different things that feel like mine.
Can you sum up your mixed experience in one word?
Beautiful-whirlwind.
Next week, I’ll be speaking to artist April Werle. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox on Monday. Shop Mixed Messages on Etsy now!
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi (by way of East Africa) and my dad is white British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.