Ben Cajee: “I don’t need to justify my existence”
The CBeebies presenter on that video and why his race doesn’t define him
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week I’m speaking to Ben Cajee, who is of mixed heritage. In 2020, Ben’s videos on his family and acceptance for CBeebies took the internet by storm. Here, Ben speaks about those video links and the impact they had on his life, as well as why his race does not define him.
How do you define your ethnicity?
I say that I’m mixed-race, or British, I don’t go into detail.
Did you experience racism growing up?
I’ve been called n***er, p**i, half-caste and told to “fuck off back to your own country.” For a long time I just had to shut up and deal with it, while people told me that racism didn’t exist. But there were times when I got mad. It just depends on your tolerance at the time.
What was it like to film those videos for CBeebies?
I had to frame the conversation in the right way for 0-6-year-olds. The message that everyone is welcome is so simple, and I’m so glad I did it, but it took a lot. We shot that in two takes with no autocue – it had to feel real.
What was the reaction to your videos like?
After I filmed them, I had lots of interview requests. It got pretty intense and overwhelming. It’s hard stuff to talk about, you put yourself in a vulnerable space.
I still get abuse months later, predominantly from white people, but also comments from Black people saying that I’m not Black and that Black people are ashamed of me. That was really hard because my dad was spat on and called a “Black bastard” from five years old. He’s always identified as a Black man.
I don’t speak for all people who are mixed, but I’m speaking for people who have been made to feel different or that they’re not good enough or not equal. When people say I’m not Black and shouldn’t speak for them, it hurts because I’m speaking for my Black brothers and sisters, I’m speaking for Asian people, I’m speaking for Muslims, I'm speaking for anyone who feels marginalised or that they’ve experienced racism in any form.
Sometimes it might feel easier to shut up and not say anything, especially when it’s your lived experience. But from a young age, I knew I wanted to use my voice. I’m grateful for my platform, but releasing content you believe in can hurt more when you receive criticism. It’s quite exposing.
How do you feel about your identity now?
I didn’t realise how much I’d buried my emotions about race and what an impact they’d had on me. I’m tired. But my race does not define me, and I don’t need to justify my existence. My dad could explain that my grandparents were born in South Africa and that there are connections with India, Mauritius, Scotland and France, as well as with Black African slaves. But for the purposes of 0-6-year-olds in a minute-long link, what I said was enough.
If you could describe your mixed experience in one word, what would that be?
Flux. There are times when things are really intense, and there are times when I don’t think about my race.
Next week, I’ll be talking to author and Queen Mother of her village in Cape Coast, Ghana Esuantsiwa Jane Goldsmith. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox next Monday!
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi Indian (by way of East Africa) and my dad is White British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.