Callum Oakley: “I hate when people ask me where I’m from – I don’t know”

The comedian on why he feels like a fake everything and jokes about his brownness before anyone else can

Apr 12, 2021

Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week I’m speaking to comedian Callum Oakley, who is of Indian, Russian and who-knows-what-else heritage. Callum hasn’t been immersed in much of his Indian and Russian cultures, so it was interesting to hear his perspective on what it means to be mixed and why we have too many labels. Read on to find out how he deals with other people calling out his ethnicity at gigs before he can get a word in.

How do you define your ethnicity?

My dad’s side is Indian, but I’m not close with them. I only found out that I was Indian in my early teens. I’d always wondered why I had pigmentation on my skin and why I was darker than my friends.

We only found out that my mum’s side is Russian ten months ago, which had never been mentioned before. I want to do a DNA test to find out where I’m really from. I feel like I’m fake everything. I hate when people ask me where I’m from, because I don’t know.

So you don’t feel like you can claim being Indian or Russian?

I don’t feel like I can claim anything, because I’m not anything. I’d love to be a full something. I don’t take part in any Indian traditions, English traditions are roast dinners and I just think they take too long to cook, and I haven’t known I was Russian for long enough to figure that out.

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Do you feel settled in your identity?

I’ve just accepted that I’m nothing; I’m not religious, I don’t follow any cultural traditions, but I’d love to be something. People think I’m from different places all the time, but the only place they don’t think I’m from is England. I see it as a talking point and can make it part of my comedy, so it hasn’t really affected me being able to fit in. I don’t feel like I’ve missed anything, because it’s never been a part of my life.

I’m not going to waste energy on trying to figure out who I am, because I’ve got no family to talk to about it. It’s quite sad.

Have you ever faced any racist comments?

I had one racial incident when I was younger, where kids in school shouted the ‘p’ word at me. That upset me because I didn’t know what it meant. It was aggressive, and I hadn’t seen myself as different to my friends before.

I still get occasional comments. At one gig in Belfast, a couple in their 30s or 40s came over to me and said “you’re good for a paki.” I wasn’t angry, I was confused at the fact that they thought it was a compliment, and that it was so natural for them to say that. It caught me off guard. Afterwards, a group of lads asked to get a picture with me, then they said “on three, say chicken tikka!” I was just like, “what?”

At another gig in a small village in the Midlands, the organiser asked if Callum Oakley was here. I said that was me, and she said “oh I’ve booked the wrong one, I booked the white one.” She came back and told me that I wouldn’t win, because people around here don’t like brown people.

The other comedians on the bill said they’d walk out with me if I wanted them to, but I said “no, I’m going on, I’m going to smash it and make loads of Indian jokes to piss her off.” I came last, but I’m used to it now. You can’t change people’s minds, so I just surround myself with people I get on with and block out the outside world.

How do you bring your heritage into your comedy?

When I first started, I wasn’t talking about my background. But as I got more into comedy, I realised people did. I remembered a primary school picture where I stuck out as the only brown head in it, so I wrote a joke about that. It got a good reaction, so I thought “maybe I’ll do a few more of those.” It just grew from there.

I never tried to be one of those people who did whole sets out of it, but I did one or two jokes. I feel like I have to get it in there before someone else does, because if someone else called out my heritage then it would take attention away from my gig. If I establish a brown joke first, I can then talk about what I actually want to talk about.

Sometimes on stage I’ll say things just to make people laugh, but I’m a proper softy and I don’t want to talk like that off stage.

Is there a way you’d like to see the mixed conversation change?

I think there are too many categories, and it doesn’t help. Someone isn’t a Black athlete, they can just be an athlete. People can also think that they’ve filled their quotas and that they already have a brown comedian, or a woman, and don’t need another one, but that just means that you’re compared to other people like you rather than how good you are.

Can you define your mixed experience in one word?

Fake. I don’t feel like I fit in. I’m just coasting around, trying to make people laugh and not piss them off.

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