Claire Kohda: "I wouldn’t change being mixed-race for anything"
The author on food, family and ticking the 'other' box
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week I’m speaking to author Claire Kohda, who is of mixed-Japanese and white British heritage. Her debut book, Woman, Eating, follows Lydia, who is half-human, half-vampire, struggling to live away from her mother for the first time. Her book explores mixedness both literally and metaphorically, and I was excited to dive into this with Claire. Read her story below.
How do you define your race and ethnicity?
It’s changed a lot over the years. Growing up, I’d always tick the box for ‘mixed-white and Asian’, thinking that Japan is in Asia. My mum would say “in England, Asian doesn’t necessarily mean Japanese.” So then I ticked the ‘other’ box and my mum taught me to write Anglo-Japanese.
‘Mixed-race’ didn’t feel like something I was allowed to use, because I thought it made me sound like I was mixed-Black. I don’t know whether that came from me, because I hadn’t heard anyone who was half-East Asian use that term before. I didn’t count myself as a person of colour – I wasn’t sure what I was.
I’ve been calling myself mixed-race more recently because Lydia, my main character in Woman, Eating, is. Some people have called her half-Japanese and I’ve had to correct them and say she’s part-Malaysian too. I think it’s rubbed off on me, but it doesn’t quite feel like it fits me.
Have there been any points in life where you’ve felt your identity shift?
My first editor for Woman, Eating called Lydia an immigrant in a press release. I told her that there was a mistake, and that it was Lydia’s mum that was an immigrant. It led to an interesting conversation with my editor, who said technically Lydia is an immigrant, she’s second generation. She said “Lydia is an immigrant, I’m an immigrant and so are you,” and that was the first time I’d ever thought of myself as an immigrant.
Being defined by my mum’s migration… I just assumed that I was nothing to do with that. Something hadn’t clicked in my head that there was a part of me that had been defined by migration.
Throughout Woman, Eating, I noticed how Lydia was jealous of non-Japanese people being able to eat Japanese food. Is that indicative of how you’ve felt connected, or disconnected, to your Japanese heritage?
Food has been so central to connecting to my Japanese family, who I didn’t get to see much growing up. Being sent food parcels from Japan, learning about my uncle’s favourite foods, learning recipes that my grandmother passed down to my mum that she’d cook for me, that was crucial to me feeling connected. I wanted to explore that with Lydia, someone who couldn’t access any of that because she’s a vampire.
Growing up, we couldn’t afford to go to Japan. I remember meeting people who’d tell me ‘you’d love this food,’ and it felt really unfair to me that they were exploring things I wasn’t able to. I remember being told about this Japanese sea grape and that I should try it because it was so delicious. I googled it and learned that it doesn’t transport well, so you can only really eat it in Japan. I was so disappointed that I’d have to travel across the world to try something that was part of my heritage, but this guy had already eaten it.
Did you ever speak to your family about your mixedness?
I don’t think we talked about it because it didn’t feel like something that could change. In a way, us going to Japan was sacrificed by my dad being an artist, but I would never change that because it made me who I am from the dedication and commitment he showed me. If I had talked to my parents, they would have done everything to take me to Japan. My mum probably saw it as a sacrifice that she was making, not going back home to make sure I was able to access things like a musical education.
I spent a lot of my teenage years not wanting to be Japanese – there was this conflict and jealousy, of seeing someone else engaging in that culture and not being mocked for it. I never really fully recognised that I was missing something, I felt those twinges of jealousy, but I don’t think I was able to properly process them. At the time, there weren’t really any conversations about race going on, I just felt these feelings of difference. I probably wouldn’t have even been able to tie it to race.
What’s one of the best things about being mixed for you?
I was going to say it’s made me more open-minded and understanding of difference, but it’s hard attaching that specifically to me being mixed-race.
One thing I know that definitely has come from the fact that I’m mixed-race is that I get to be proud of two really distinct cultures. I love being mixed-race, I wouldn’t change it for anything.
How do you think the mixed conversation needs to develop?
The reviews for Woman, Eating don’t really mention race – that was quite strange to me. The language of how to talk about being mixed-race and understanding what it is isn’t there. I think people find it easier to discuss race when it’s simple, talking about one ethnicity. Mixedness is more complex.
Can you sum up your mixedness in a word?
I really am grateful for life, for my work, for how I can connect with so many people from other cultures – perhaps due to my mixedness, or maybe also due to my work as a musician. And so maybe that means that I am grateful for my mixedness. Maybe the one word that sums it up is 'gratitude'.
Buy Woman, Eating here. Next week I’ll be talking to professor and author Grace Cho. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox on Monday.
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi (by way of East Africa) and my dad is white British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.