Demi Colleen: “It's okay to create your own bracket – I don't have to fit here or there”
The creator on proving her Blackness, letting people be who they are and feeling full
Hi, welcome back to the last Mixed Messages of the year! For my final guest, I’m speaking to creator Demi Colleen, who is of mixed-Jamaican and Irish heritage. Demi is the queen of dopamine dressing, always wearing bright colours, bold patterns, and having followed her style online for a while now, I was excited to get to know her experience of growing up mixed-race. Read our conversation below.
How do you define your identity?
My mum is Irish and my dad is Jamaican. The words I tend to use depend on where I’m being asked and who’s asking me. I might say mixed-race, I might say ‘mixed with’ and then explain, I might say Black. I never say I’m white, I don't think anyone ever looks at me and thinks ‘that's a white woman.’
It frustrates me to see mixed-Black people being told they’re not Black, because you’re right – even if they’re mixed with white, they’re not seen that way.
It’s taken me a long time to let it not bother me. If I call myself Black and you disagree, so what? At school, I didn’t feel white or Black enough, but you get mocked for feeling sad because you still have privilege. I’m fully aware of those privileges, but I really was excluded from both spaces and very much stuck in the middle.
I still deal with that now. When there’s events with mostly Black creators, I’ll be missed off the list. It’s a joke among my friends that I’m perceived as white because I've had a certain upbringing, like horse riding lessons or living in West London – I laugh, because I grew up in Hounslow which is this huge melting pot.
It’s insane to me that I’m still having to prove that I’m Black enough. I've never felt as much of that on my other side – you get your overt racism, but I’d say that I'm slightly more welcome in white spaces. It's no surprise that you end up gravitating to where you're welcomed, right?
Did you have access to both sides of your heritage growing up?
Ye, I’ve always been exposed to that from my parents. I had a very diverse upbringing, and I think that's why I have a strong sense of self. I know what it means to be mixed for me, what it may mean for other people is a whole different thing.
How did you get that cultural grounding through your family?
I was raised in a single parent house with my Irish mum. Her mum died young, she didn't have a great relationship with her dad. A lot of her friends were Caribbean and she lived with a Black Caribbean family for a long time, so she was quite submerged in the culture in terms of food and music. It was easy for her to teach me as I was growing up, as well as travelling to Jamaica.
I was exposed more to my Jamaican heritage than Irish, which came later. My mum maybe felt like she had to compensate. My dad’s parents also passed when I was really young, so I didn't get to speak to them about their upbringing.
When I was older, I started researching Jamaican history. These things weren't touched upon in school. It shouldn't have been as much of a shock to me as it was, I suppose, but there’s a moment where you realise it’s within you, passed down. You feel like it’s a weight that you carry on your shoulders. Being mixed-race and having a platform, I definitely have a responsibility to talk about it.
It was difficult, because people assume that you don't know anything about your heritage, especially when you have a white mum. That trope really gets to me, because my mum was doing my box braids and canerows from a young age. I do see people who haven’t been brought up with a strong sense of identity but it’s not always wilful ignorance. It’s not fair on the child to mock that.
The thing that I'm starting to understand is that it's okay to create your own bracket. I don't have to fit here or there, I can actually just be who I am within myself, my own experiences and my own reality. It's taken me a long time to get there. I really had to talk to myself and say that my sense of self, my Blackness, is not contingent on being part of certain events. We’re stuck on this idea that we have to have the same experience in order for it to be valid. I find it strange that you can't just let people be who they are and like what they like.
Do you think having to get to know yourself from such a young age has fed into this career?
Definitely. My mum exposed us to different cultures from such a young age. I was very curious about the intricacies of other religions and customs. I found it fascinating that we can physically be the same human beings but have such a wide range of experiences.
How do you want the conversation about mixed identity to change?
In all the years of me doing content creation, I've never been asked to speak about being mixed-race. That’s quite sad. I’d like to see more conversations on social and traditional media about it. We need to stop thinking that mixed-race is just being Black and white – that excludes a whole group of people who have different experiences and that’s not fair. Those are the stories we really need to hear.
What’s the best thing about being mixed for you?
I feel like it has made me more open and accepting as a person. Two things can be true at once and I just never feel the need to have a binary view of anything. Break the chains! People who are monoracial might take on what their parents think, having one type of exposure. When you’re mixed-heritage, anything’s possible.
Can you sum up your mixed experience in one word?
Full. There's this misconception that you're half of something or a third of something. You never feel like a full person. I disagree with that. I never feel lost about my identity.
That’s a wrap on another year of Mixed Messages! Thank you so much for your support this year – I’m taking a break over Christmas and I hope you have an amazing festive season. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox in January 2025. Shop Mixed Messages on Etsy now.
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi (by way of East Africa) and my dad is white British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.