Ellie Abraham: “It can be uncomfortable being the stereotype of a mixed-race person”
The journalist on vulnerability and being put on a pedestal
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week I’m speaking to journalist Ellie Abraham, who has Black and white heritage. For Ellie, music has been a huge way to connect to her Caribbean culture, but she also found solace seeing singer-songwriters like Corinne Bailey Rae who looked like her. Read more of Ellie’s story below.
How do you define your ethnicity?
I identify as mixed-race, but if anyone asks what my background is, I say that my mum’s white and my dad’s Black-British from the Caribbean. His parents are from St Vincent, and came over in the late ‘50s.
Did you ever speak to your parents about race and identity?
No, I don’t remember me and my sister speaking with them about it until we were around 16. I do remember someone asking my mum where she’d adopted us from, though. She just explained that we were her biological children; the woman who asked was quite elderly, so I think she wanted to educate rather than attack her. I think that’s what triggered my own interest in my identity. Before that, I hadn’t really thought about it.
How do you feel about the language used to talk about mixed identity?
I don’t think there’s ever going to be a one-size-fits-all term, because everyone’s so different. There’s this misconception that mixed-race means mixed-Black and white, and people forget that you can be mixed with anything. I’ll probably stick with mixed-race though, even though it’s a problematic term, because it’s what I’ve grown up with and I don’t know if there’s anything better right now.
Does that assumption about mixed meaning Black and white frustrate you?
Yeah, there’s definitely issues with fetishisation. It’s uncomfortable being mixed-Black and white. Sometimes people can put you on a pedestal as an ‘acceptable’ Black person, or because of colourism, and it’s not nice. I think there’s this fascination with mixed people as mystical creatures.
Are you conscious about representing the mixed experience in your work?
Definitely. Black women are degraded and oppressed almost daily, so I wonder if I write about race, am I taking their space? Am I speaking for someone who’s had it worse than me, and whose voice should be amplified above mine? It’s a difficult balancing act, even though a whole side of my family is Black and feel attached to that community and culture.
I would never want to write about the Black experience because I’m not a dark-skinned Black woman. I don’t fully know that experience, so being mixed, or light-skinned, is all I ever want to speak on.
Do you feel connected to your Caribbean culture?
I’ve always been quite musical, so definitely through music. When we were younger, my dad used to blast the house with Caribbean music, and today I gravitate towards Afrobeats, Soca and reggae.
I don’t know how to make Caribbean food, but I want to learn to make all the things I grew up eating. But my dad doesn’t cook them, so I’d have to reach out to my extended family to get the recipes. That’s quite awkward for me, because it’s showing that I know nothing about the food, in a way.
Do you remember seeing any mixed representation growing up?
I used to see Nathalie Emmanuel in Hollyoaks, and then she was in Games of Thrones. That’s the first person I remember seeing on TV who looked like me, with similar hair. I also remember seeing Corinne Bailey Rae and thinking ‘wow!’ I play guitar, so seeing someone like that as a singer songwriter was new to me.
In high school, I went through an identity crisis trying to fit in. I never wanted to show my hair and have it down because it was the biggest signal of my race. I just wanted to fly under the radar. But seeing these two women helped.
Can you describe your personal mixed experience in one word?
A privilege. I feel really proud of being mixed. I’m proud of my family, and proud that even when it wasn’t socially acceptable for Black and white people to be together, my mum and dad did what they wanted.
Next week, I’ll be talking to author Jacqueline Roy. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox on Monday!
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi Indian (by way of East Africa) and my dad is White British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.