Esther Manito: “Every element of you becomes up for debate and discussion”
The comedian on morphing to fit the environment, forming her identity and English tolerance
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week, I’m speaking to comedian Esther Manito, who is of mixed-Lebanese and white British heritage. Esther’s comedy plays on her Arab and Essex backgrounds, entertaining crowds on both sides of the world. By joking about her everyday life, Esther showcases the realities of navigating life as a mixed-Arab woman without needing to get overtly political, remaining funny, feminist and furious. Read her story below.
How do you define your identity?
I say British-Arab or Lebanese-British, but I don’t really feel British. I feel English more than anything, but you don’t use ‘English’ that much these days. I get the feeling that ‘British’ is considered a more acceptable term for ethnic minorities.
Has the way you speak about yourself changed over time?
It has. You don’t really know what to say. At one point, my sister said “don’t say mixed-race, you need to say dual-heritage,” but I don’t identify with being dual-heritage. I never really thought of myself as being mixed-race to be honest, because I’d been so indoctrinated that that was Black and white.
Our identity was so fucked up growing up. I felt like you had to choose one side or the other. As you get older, you become more comfortable with being mixed.
What were those conversations around identity like growing up?
My dad moved to England, but he psychologically never left 1970s’ Lebanon. He felt that everything in England wasn’t as good as the Middle East. My mum had a lot of resentment for that, because she tried to live in the Middle East and felt that rejection of not being good enough because she’s English. Both of my parents were quite racist towards each other with their commentary.
Growing up with that messes with your head, it's quite traumatic. I’ve noticed quite a few times people have spoken in a really derogatory way about white women, but all their relationships are with white women. Having a relationship with someone you subconsciously think you’re better than… I find that quite triggering.
I don’t blame my parents. When my dad came here, he was a victim of huge amounts of racism. He ended up in England because of war, which England played their part in. He had this need to prove ‘I’m not the underdog, I’m not this backward, savage, third-world person.’ My mum reacted to that, as you would, and it’s quite difficult to be the product of that. How do you form your identity?
I felt rejected growing up in the ‘90s during the Gulf War. I’m in a small town in Essex, which is a large army barracks. There was a really anti-Arab feeling, so I became aggressively pro-Arab. It wasn’t until I lived in the Middle East that I realised there are things that I really love about being English. It took going through parallel experiences before I really accepted being mixed.
So would you say your mixedness is a fluid experience?
Yes. Nothing will make you feel more English than going to the Middle East, where people call me ‘English girl.’ Then you feel very nostalgic and protective of what it is to be English. Then there are times you become a lot more protective of being Arab.
What does it mean to be English to you?
Tolerance. England has this real reputation of being racist, but I actually think it's a really tolerant country. There are lots of problems, but in terms of our multiculturalism and how inclusive our communities can be… compared to when I was growing up, you wanted to keep your identity a secret. Now, my children’s school is so mixed and they are so aware of different cultural practices. We have real diversity, more so than other places.
How have you connected to your culture?
For me, it’s food. There are really great English dishes, in the Middle East we craved roast dinners, shepherd's pie, steak and Ale pie… But Lebanese food, hands down. I feel very protective of it. When my husband and I got together, he asked ‘why do we have to have a salad with every single meal?’ We do!
How do you think being mixed has influenced your personality?
It's definitely made me a chameleon. I can go into different environments and completely adapt – on stage when it’s really clubby and loud I become a lot more Essex, or I can lean into my Arab side.
There’s also a downside. I see other people who are like ‘this is who I am and anyone who doesn’t like it can fuck off.’ When you’re mixed-heritage, you’re constantly changing according to what family we were with growing up. We need to change to fit our environment rather than ‘well, if the environment doesn't like us, they can fuck off.’
We’re so used to morphing into different people in order for the environment to accept us, particularly when you've got two sides that have different religions, foods and practices. It's a completely different psychology. It creates quite a unique skill.
Can you sum up your mixed experience in one word?
Intense. It generates such intent. It makes you work on yourself and your identity in the most intense way. It makes you question your environment. It makes you continuously question your image, your behaviour, your characteristics, your values.
When your family are first generation and have fled war, tried to live in each other’s countries, it's not just political. It's not just emotional or social. Every element of you becomes up for debate and discussion. It really is quite an intense upbringing.
Next week, I’ll be speaking to Haveli founder and creative director Mina Robertson. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox on Monday. Shop Mixed Messages on Etsy now – the perfect Christmas present!
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi (by way of East Africa) and my dad is white British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.