Farrah Storr: "My ambiguous ethnicity afforded me a different path in life"
How a trip to Pakistan changed the ELLE Editor-In-Chief's sense of identity
Hi, and welcome to the very first edition of Mixed Messages! To launch this newsletter, I spoke to the incredible Farrah Storr; multi-award-winning editor and Editor-In-Chief of ELLE. Of White British and Pakistani heritage, Farrah’s mix is similar to my own (White British and Punjabi Indian), so I was keen to find out how our experiences compared. Read on to find out Farrah’s story.
How would you describe your ethnicity?
When I was growing up, you were ‘half-caste’, and of course that’s a problematic phrase now, but that’s just what it was in the 1980s. I didn’t really question it. Then it became ‘mixed-race’, but that’s open to a lot of misinterpretation. I say dual heritage now because there’s pride in the word ‘heritage’ and dual because my mother is English and my father is from Pakistan. I’m equally proud of being both Asian and Caucasian.
You let people assume your ethnicity when you were younger, instead of correcting them - why was that?
Growing up in 1980s Manchester, there was a nervousness around admitting where my father came from. It was the era of ‘Paki’ being thrown about everywhere. I was more comfortable saying that my dad was Indian even, rather than Pakistani.
Because of the way I look, with straight hair and fairly light skin, and because of my white mother with blonde hair and blue eyes, kids never questioned that I was anything other than white, so it was easier for me as a child not to volunteer the information. I just wanted to fit in like everyone else.
Did nobody ever ask where the name Farrah came from?
Nobody ever questioned it. My surname was Butt, which could be an English name, and there was an English footballer called Nikki Butt too. My name was a compromise, because my mum loved the actress Farrah Fawcett and my dad loved the name Farrah. My whole life, no-one’s ever been quite sure what I am.
I remember I had a party for my ninth birthday and it was the first time that my friends saw that my dad was dark skinned. I’d never wanted birthday parties because I was worried what people would think of my parents. At this party, I’ll never forget suddenly registering that my father was dark skinned. She looked traumatised and screamed to the girl next to her, “Is that Farrah’s dad?”, to which the other girl responded “shh, it’s good.” It was a really weird thing to hear, that surprise that people suddenly realised I was different, but also that somebody saw it as an interesting side of me.
Did you feel Asian growing up?
We didn’t visit our Pakistani family, I didn’t speak Urdu, I never wore Asian dress, we ate nice food at Eid but we didn’t really understand it... I’d say there was an Asian-shaped hole in my life. It took me until I met my husband Will at 21, to change that.
Will was fascinated by the fact that I was dual heritage, and he thought it was crazy I’d never met my family in Pakistan. Quite early in our relationship, he paid for us to visit my family in Lahore and that trip was revelatory. I saw why I’m the shape I am, where my bottom came from, why my nose is the way it is… I felt more whole seeing and being with my family, and realising how much they loved and were proud of me.
It made me feel profoundly guilty for never having been prouder of my Asian heritage. But I don’t blame my father for that. We all have our own reasons for walking the path we chose to walk. And I’ve never believed it’s fair to judge anyone, least of all your parents, for the decisions they made at a particular time in their life.
My dad’s name is Javad, but he changed it to Jerry after he moved here at 17. I think trying to assimilate was his way of dealing with being an immigrant. His name was a sign, to him, that he’d integrated into British society, along with going to the pub and drinking pints. I often wonder whether that assimilation from him filtered down into me and my siblings.
Do you ever feel not Pakistani enough? I often don’t feel Indian; I don’t listen to bhangra music, I don’t watch Bollywood films, I don’t wear Indian clothes except for at weddings…
It depends whether you have to participate in the culture to feel of it. The truth is, I think it’s different for everyone. My exposure to Asian culture was largely watching my dad get teary at Bollywood films late at night. But because the culture is not so ingrained in my life, I don’t feel that makes me any less deserving of feeling a part of it. I am, after all, my father’s daughter, which means there is a large part of Pakistan within me.
I think as mixed-race individuals you find your own unique way to your identity. My siblings probably feel very differently to me, and that’s okay too. I think that reserving judgement on everything in life is a good way to go.
Do you ever feel white?
I don’t feel white, because I’m not white. I probably felt more white when I was younger, because I didn’t have many of those Asian influences. But as I got older, and particularly after I went to Pakistan, it crystallised that I was as much Asian as I was white.
Do you ever feel pigeon-holed as an “Asian editor”?
I’m actually very honoured when people describe me as an Asian woman in a way that when I was younger I wouldn’t have been, but I do struggle with it.
I am always very specific in explain to people that I am mixed-race, so I cant fully speak as an Asian woman because I have had very different experiences. Many people don’t realise I’m half Asian, and that has afforded me a very different path in life. The point is, we need more fully Asian people at the top of the media.
If you could describe being mixed in one word, what would that be?
A privilege. I know that’s two words!
Next, I’ll be talking to freelance beauty journalist and brand consultant Ava Welsing-Kitcher. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox next Monday!
Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi Indian (by way of East Africa) and my dad is White British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.