Georgina Lawton: “We need empathy for people whose identities are formed in the spaces in-between”
The author on discovering her mixed-race identity after years of being told she was white
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week I’m speaking to Georgina Lawton, who is of Black and white Irish heritage. Journalist Georgina is the author of Raceless, a memoir of growing up with a white family who insisted that her curly hair and dark skin were caused by a ‘throwback gene’. Raceless follows Georgina coming to terms with her true mixed-race heritage and the effect this had on her identity and family relationships. As you can imagine, my conversation with Georgina was fascinating – read it below!
How do you define your mix?
As a child, I had no choice but to identify as white because that’s what my white parents encouraged me to do. I think they were afraid of allowing me to assert the other part of my identity because they hadn’t spoken about where it came from. But from even five years old, I could see that my skin was different. People would ask what my mix was.
Now, I relate to the term Black British, or Black British and Irish, because that encompasses everything that I know about myself. I’ve taken DNA tests that show I have a Nigerian parent, but I’ve never had access to that part of my cultural Black identity, so I don’t have a personal affinity towards Nigeria. It feels odd to claim that. Maybe one day I will.
In Raceless, you explain how people conflate race and ethnicity – can you explain the difference?
Ethnicity relates to things that are quite changeable in society, like cultural norms and traditions. Ethnically, I am white, because I grew up in a white household. But ethnicity is often used as a euphemism for race, which is a social construct with a really messy history behind it. We think race relates to our biological components, but that’s not the case. Race was made by white powers to divide and conquer us.
You also talk about how transracialism has been co-opted and misconstrued, what does the term actually mean?
The term transracial was born within adoption circles around the 1970s, conveying the very real, lived experiences of children of colour who are adopted by white parents. It wasn’t a particularly controversial term until it was hijacked by She Who Shall Not Be Named and came to mean the supposed ability to change races. We need to reclaim this word because it’s a serious experience for a lot of people.
What impact did being told you were white have on your mental health?
Not having a clear answer for my Blackness was difficult at times and made me anxious. When I stepped outside my home, people misattributed me to so many countries that I had no affinity with. It’s isolating not being able to self-define. It can make you feel defensive and lack confidence.
Therapy helped me piece myself back together. I had to do a lot of work on my confidence, self-love and understanding who I was. If you can afford it, access to a good therapist who really understands race and identity is invaluable.
Despite a DNA test revealing that your heritage is most likely Nigerian, you’ve said that you don’t feel Nigerian. What would you need to feel like you could claim that identity?
I would need to know family members and learn Nigerian culture through them. I didn’t have that, so I absorbed British and Irish culture instead even though I’m always going to be racialised as Black.
Are you actively searching for those Nigerian family members?
I wouldn’t say actively, but I’m still keeping my DNA on those servers. I feel like I've gotten to a point where I'm quite happy in my identity and can appreciate both of my parents’ decisions and reflect on that with love and humility. The idea of meeting somebody that could change that is weird. But one day, who knows? It might make me feel complete in my identity. But for now, I'm happy where I am.
What do you want people to take from Raceless?
I wrote the book to add nuance to discussions on race. You shouldn't look at me and assume that I should resonate with my Black side more than my white side, or presume to know how I have been raised. We need to show more empathy to people whose identities have been formed in the spaces in-between, and have compassion for people who don’t know much about their heritage. I wanted to discuss that in a personal and human way and show the messiness of human decisions.
It’s difficult for people to have discussions about privilege and discrimination, but you have to have these conversations to strengthen interpersonal relationships. The mixed-race demographic is growing, so these discussions are only going to become more urgent. If anything, I want people to take away from my book that a colourblind approach in a family or relationship is just never going to be the best one.
Aside from your book, what other media on mixedness do you recommend?
Emma Dabiri’s Don’t Touch My Hair educated me so much on the power, politics and capitalism of hair. Afua Hirsch’s Brit(ish) was also a big influence on me. I love the writers Sirin Kale, Natalie Morris and Charlie Brinkhurst-Cuff, too.
I’ve got my own podcast about the DNA testing industry, The Secrets In Us, which is basically a continuation of Raceless.
How do you think the conversation around mixedness needs to change?
Mixed people should be allowed to identify as they deem fit. We shouldn’t be policing identity in arbitrary ways – that’s the work of white supremacy.
I feel like mixed people of Black and white heritage also have a responsibility to ensure we don’t become the palatable face of diversity, the only representation of Blackness or the only voice in mixedness. We need to remember that we can step aside and pass the mic to uplift those who are more overlooked than we are.
If you could describe your mixed experience in one word, what would that be?
Complex. My identity has changed over time, but right now, I feel comfortable claiming both my Blackness and my whiteness.
Raceless is out this Thursday. Pre-order it here. Next week, I’ll be talking to playwright and artist Travis Alabanza. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox next Monday!
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi Indian (by way of East Africa) and my dad is White British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.
I love reading this newsletter every Monday!