Helen Comerford: “You don't get to tell me who I am”
The author on the wealth of stories that make us, removing racism from her universe and being allowed to love what she loves
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week’s guest is author Helen Comerford, who is of mixed Guyanese and white European heritage. Helen’s debut YA novel, The Love Interest, follows 17-year-old Jenna Ray and the world’s newest superhero, Blaze. A fresh and funny twist on the superhero romance, Helen also explores themes of race without prejudice. Read her story below.
How do you define your identity?
My dad’s family are white European, with some Italian, English and Irish. My mum’s family are from Guyana in South America. Her parents came over during the Windrush generation.
I like the term mixed, I really vibe with that. When I was little, I used to call myself golden brown. I used to think the song by The Stranglers was all about me – I was far too old when I found out it's actually about heroin.
Is identity a conversation you ever had with your parents?
My parents met in the army, and I think military families have the ethos of accepting, adapting and doing. That was my upbringing. It’s a relly recent thing that I’ve started feeling more confident in talking about my heritage. I’ve had a relatively privileged upbringing but also racist slurs shouted at me in the street, and that's another reason why I really like the mixed label, because there is this wide range of experiences.
Did you move around predominantly white spaces were younger?
I would be one of a few non-white faces in a space, always. Army bases, military boarding schools… I did absorb some unhelpful stereotypes about myself, which took quite a long time to unpack. One of them was that Black people can't swim, which I took to heart. Again, I was far too old when I realised that is not true.
So in my book, my main character is a wild swimmer. I wasn't really having discussions with my parents, but I evidently was having all these thoughts and feelings and they’re pouring out in my writing.
What was that journey of your identity shifting like?
It took a really long time to be comfortable with who I am and how I identify. Being mixed, you feel like you're not enough of either thing. As an adult, I've been able to look at the labels and go, ‘you don't get to tell me who I am. I will identify as I want to identify.’ It's okay that I've got golden brown skin and an afro, that I'm a massive nerd and I like rock music, that I like peas and rice. It's all okay, and it's all me.
Was that just coming of age or was there a tipping point?
I think it came with age. As a teen, I was just trying to figure out who I am, as I think all teenagers are. In your 20s, you're desperately trying to figure out life as an adult. Then you hit thirty and want to take a moment and think about who you are and what you want.
Now I'm really putting more effort into it because I’m writing for teenagers, so I’m becoming a role model. It's even more important to have positive, empowering thoughts about my own life that I can share and perhaps help other people.
I made the conscious decision to remove racism from the universe so my characters don’t have to spend the whole time justifying who they are or agonising over it. I just wanted people to come into the world and have a lovely time with superheroes.
What was your cultural upbringing like?
I haven't been to Guyana yet. I’m third-generation. I don't feel massively connected to my Caribbean heritage, but I think that's a journey I need to go on. I want to go to Guyana and meet the family that are still there. I’ve tried to find my own way to it. I did a history degree focusing on colonialism, writing about British West Indian troops in the First World War.
I've still got a chance to talk to my grandparents, so I need to get more stories about Guyana. We talk a lot about what it was like for them coming to Britain, but there's a whole wealth of stories there.
Why do you want to explore your heritage?
It’s part of who I am. As a storyteller, I just want to explore. I've got so many stories that have gone into who I am, and that’s a privilege. I don't want to miss anything. My aunt Jackie has lots of stories about going around the jungle in a Land Rover during her national service, so you want to see the source of the stories, don’t you?
Otherwise, connection to culture is based around food. I'm a very food-orientated person. My Nana on my dad’s side always used to have Bakewell tarts, quiche and Viennetta in the house. Then when we went to grandma, it was peas and rice, curry and tea on a hot day to cool you down.
How do you want the conversation around mixed identity to develop in future?
I'd want discussion around being mixed to be a bit kinder. Let people identify as they want to identify, don’t force them to label themselves. I love seeing people of colour in every sphere. I did an interview recently where I got to talk about superheroes and all things nerdy, and all of us being allowed to be who we are and love what we love, not subscribing to a certain way of being, is very important.
What’s the best thing about being mixed for you?
Stories, history and all the richness that comes from that. I've got one grandparent who was in the Free French and my grandpa flew in the Battle of Britain. My other grandparents were part of the Windrush generation, leaving their home to come to the “motherland.” I’m very lucky.
There’s also empathy, when you come from so many places all at once, you truly understand that humans are just humans.
Can you sum up your mixed experience in one word?
Lucky. I think I'm lucky, and it's taken a while to realise how lucky I am. All the choices that led to our existence, that's pure luck. I’m lucky because of the way I look, the way I feel, the family I have, the stories that have gone into me. Part of my writing practice is helping other people realise how lucky they are.
Next week, I’ll be speaking to actor Marsha Thomason. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox on Monday. Shop Mixed Messages tote bags and bookmarks on Etsy now.
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi (by way of East Africa) and my dad is white British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.