Jassa Ahluwalia: “I'm not waiting for others to define me”
The actor on how language has been a powerful tool in retaining his Punjabi identity
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week, I speak to actor, writer and filmmaker Jassa Ahluwalia. Jassa is of Punjabi and White British heritage, and his TEDx talk, Both Not Half, looked at how the language around identity has helped to shape his sense of self. As Punjabi-British myself, I was really excited to hear how Jassa’s experience compared to my own.
How would you define your ethnicity?
I grew up identifying as half-Punjabi and half-English. I didn’t question that paradigm of ‘half’ as a kid; I remember reading the poem Half Caste by John Agard at school and not getting the critique the poem was presenting.
Now, I see how terms like ‘half-caste’ and ‘mixed-race’ are rooted in race science and racism. I feel a shift towards mixed-heritage, as it allows a more universal conversation on mixed backgrounds in terms of culture, class and economics. A friend of mine with a Russian mum was born in Czechoslovakia, grew up in Germany and now works in London. He probably wouldn’t describe himself as mixed, but we have commonalities in our experiences.
Do you ever get frustrated at the stereotype of what a mixed-race person looks like?
As an actor, whenever I see ‘mixed-race’ on casting breakdowns, they tend to mean someone who is Black but light-skinned. I know those roles aren’t mine to apply for. For many mixed Black and white people, that’s an identity and term they have ownership of, but I don’t fit into that.
Have you ever had people say racist things to you because you present as white?
I’ve had people be disparaging about India as a country, oblivious to my background. One time during pilot season in LA, an actor said to me how frustrating it was to see initiatives for greater representation on screen, because he believed they took away opportunities for “guys like us”. My senses are definitely heightened in certain situations, trying to figure out if I’m in safe company.
I guess that’s where ‘both not half’ has come from for me - a desire to be seen and assert my own identity, without waiting for or allowing other people to define that for me. Looking white doesn’t make me any less Punjabi, and being Punjabi doesn’t make me any less white.
Have you ever felt like you needed to choose between being Punjabi or British?
As a child, I never consciously thought about how I identified. I was either a novelty in India, or a novelty in the UK, but I never felt left out.
Growing up in Leicester, which has a large South Asian population, I felt like I could be all parts of myself at all times. We’d have Christmas and Easter services at the cathedral connected to my school, but also Diwali celebrations on Belgrave Road. It was only in my adult life, after moving to London, that I became aware of how identifying as ‘half’ could open me up to accusations of not being ‘enough’.
Has speaking Punjabi been key in feeling connected to your South Asian culture?
I was immersed in Punjabi as a child and always given positive reinforcement, which I’m grateful for. I realised growing up that a lot of British South Asians don’t speak their family’s original language, so I’d always have this trump card if I felt that I needed to validate my identity.
I think learning a family language makes you quite vulnerable; elders can be discouraging when you make mistakes, but I’m always open about the fact that I’m still learning. Only knowing a few words is fine. Wanting to deepen your knowledge and learn more is great too. Language isn’t an absolute necessity for feeling a connection to your culture, but I think it can be a very powerful tool.
Have you recognised your own white privilege throughout your life?
Yes, definitely. So much of the world has been set up for me, I didn’t come up against barriers or racial slurs in the same way that my darker-presenting sister did. In the past, I’ve questioned whether I’m entitled to call myself an ethnic minority, but working with groups like Equity’s Race Equality has been a big part of accepting that I have an awareness of or sensitivity to these issues that’s valid.
If you could define your mixed experience in one word, what would that word be?
Both!
If #bothnothalf resonates with you, shop Jassa’s merch here.
Next week, I’ll be talking to author Katy Massey, whose works include Tangled Roots and Are We Home Yet. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox next Monday!
Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi Indian (by way of East Africa) and my dad is White British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.