Jemma Moore: “I felt like I was too complicated for people”
The actor on the interplay between her multiple identities, choosing joy and challenging the industry
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week I’m speaking to actor Jemma Moore, who is of mixed Chinese and British heritage. Currently on screen as aspiring journalist Jess in ITV’s gripping mile-high thriller Red Eye, I was struck by how Jess’s parents reflected Jemma’s own mixed identity. Little did I know how Red Eye would explore mixed heritage in a short but powerful scene later in the series, a rarity in today’s TV landscape. I was so excited to speak to Jemma, and can’t wait for you to read her story below.
How do you define your racial identity?
My mum is from Hong Kong, my dad is white British. I was born in Hong Kong, and when I came over [to the UK] I didn’t really understand race. I grew up in the countryside near Worcestershire and went to a pretty white, middle class boarding school. I didn’t realise how white I was, in a sense, until I heard people being racist to my mum or me. They’d mimic my mum’s accent or rip into me because I’d bring certain foods to school. I was ashamed a lot of the time, because when you're a kid you're just trying to fit in.
People would also say to me “I don’t see you as Asian” or tell me I’m white passing, but in Hong Kong they’ll say I’m not really Chinese and that I’m not good enough because I don’t speak Cantonese. You're kind of like, ‘who am I? What’s my identity?’
I've actually never felt that I could say that I'm mixed because I thought it was just for being Black and white. I didn’t realise that was a dialogue I could use for myself. I’d say mixed-heritage. There were times I’d switch between saying ‘mixed’ and ‘half-Chinese,’ but I’d never go into that I’m half from Hong Kong, Cantonese Chinese. I’d rush over that because I felt like I was too complicated for people. I could see people switching off because they just wanted to get the shorthand of ‘Chinese-white.’
Did you ever speak to your family about being mixed?
We’ve had conversations. My dad’s in his 80s and my mum is twenty years younger, and although he’s the loveliest, kindest man, sometimes I have to make him understand my mum’s experience of living in Cheltenham, trying to fit into this model minority role. He’s worked really hard to try and understand that and about his mixed children, but he’s been conditioned in such a time that it will slip for him. But I think that’s natural within those mixed dynamic families – my dad worked out in Hong Kong for a long time and has this comfortability within our family dynamic.
There’s a lot of dinner conversations, and they’re not always easy conversations. They’re not necessarily what my mum wants to hear as well – she’s also learning about what it's like for our generation. She’s of that boomer mindset; ‘we just had to get on with it.’ Sometimes we do, and sometimes my mum doesn’t want to have that conflict.
The conversations are so individual to each family, but they’re important. As a teenager I was probably a bit of a tyrant about it. Now, having been in therapy for five years, I ask more questions, like ‘how would you feel in this scenario?’ It’s really nice, I've become really good friends with my parents because of it.
Acting really helped me explore the way I felt too. I always thought I was an outsider because I was mixed-race, but there’s a second layer of being autistic as well and not understanding human beings. Acting was the place I went to explore that. All these things weave in and out of each other.
As a mixed person, I think we're always trying to understand ourselves. We don't slot neatly into boxes but people always want to define us.
Most mixed people I encounter have an abundance of empathy. I think it's because we understand what it's like to sit between two worlds. Being autistic is another element of that, then I’m queer too so I sit between many worlds.
I love every part of being a human being, and I think being mixed and autistic has actually only added to that. I love the way human beings work, and now I try to focus on the joy – mixed joy, autistic joy, neurodivergent joy, queer joy, while still understanding the emotional labour we’ve gone through on this journey.
You mentioned acting was a way to understand yourself – do you feel like mixed representation is improving on-screen? I was so pleasantly surprised to see that your character’s parents were cast as interracial in Red Eye!
Things are changing, and that helps – I feel more comfortable unveiling certain parts of my identity. Not a lot is written for me as a mixed person, and I have had to step into roles where I’m playing a monoracial character, which doesn’t sit comfortably for me. I feel like I’m taking up someone else’s role, but there are not enough roles for me to turn that down. I’ve also been told I’m not white enough to do something like a period drama, which I would love to do. I’m getting more confident, and now I feel like I can challenge people and also people are more receptive to the conversation.
In Red Eye, Jing [Lusi, who plays Jemma’s sister DC Hana Li] spoke to [production company] Bad Wolf and said ‘if you’re going to cast Jemma, we have to change the family.’ In the show, Hana brings up me being mixed and how I’m privileged in my whiteness and how I get to move around the world. My character doesn’t know that she necessarily feels that way, but I think there’d be something under the surface if my character was to be able to approach her and discuss how she doesn’t feel like she fits in, whether that’s the world or the family.
My biggest fear is losing a connection to my Asian heritage, and if my mum dies, that’s the connection gone. Right now I’m getting her to teach me how to make congee and bone marrow soups, all these things that are her home comforts. I'm also immersing myself in the community now, as well as making my own families, like queer chosen families, gay Asian groups and mixed-race WhatsApp groups. Having a mixed group is really important to me.
How else have you connected with your culture?
It was mainly food. My mum would come back from Hong Kong with an extra suitcase just with food, things we couldn’t get where we lived. Cinema is huge – if I’m feeling homesick, I’ll go back and watch all the Jackie Chan Wheels on Meals or old Michelle Yeoh films. There’s also a Cantonese style cafe in Shaftesbury Avenue where they speak Cantonese to me, and hearing that language is like a little puzzle piece just slotting into place. It’s really calming.
Old Canto songs are really nice to listen to, even though I have no idea what's being said. I like Anita Mui, who’s like the Madonna of Hong Kong, and Faye Wong.
Going back to Hong Kong, I feel like I put a bit of me back. I feel like I’m a clay statue, trying to do everything that I remember as a kid and patting this clay on to me to rebuild.
On joy, what’s the best thing about being mixed for you?
Understanding people. I really love having that level of empathy. I've got photos of my mum's family and my dad's family on a big collage, and their lives are polar opposites. It could have gone either way. There’s this curiosity and joy for life with being mixed because you're not so stuck in one way. There’s this flow because you're always having to jump between two cultures.
There’s also this fearlessness to me – I’m terrified of the world, but I will try so many new foods, like pigs’ trotters in vinegar. I think being mixed makes me less fearful because I've had to experience from a young age so many different dynamics, so I’ll give anything a go.
Are there any stereotypes of mixedness that annoy you?
This fetishisation that all mixed-race babies are beautiful. It’s so minimising, and doesn’t respect or understand the complexities and culture of someone. We’re moving into this world of being able to choose what your baby’s features will be which is driven by capitalism, turning children into a money-making scheme. It comes from the desire to choose the best of everything.
And then it’s the question of what is perceived as the best, which is almost always defined by other people.
What I've learned with my autism diagnosis and growing up mixed-race is that we just need to give ourselves grace. If I’m in a very white space, asking ‘am I safe here’ or not wanting to do all that emotional labour, instead of just feeling like the odd one out I now take the space I need and give myself grace. I sit in the toilet with my fidget toy and see that because I’m not going to fit into this space, I don’t need to try so hard to. That’s when the curiosity switches on and I can ask people about themselves.
Can you sum up your mixed experience in one word?
Grace. Giving yourself grace and kindness to be individual and not fit in.
Watch all episodes of Red Eye on ITVX. Next week, I’ll be talking to No Knot Co and The Kurl Kitchen founder Keshia East. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox on Monday.
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi (by way of East Africa) and my dad is white British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.