Leigh-Anne Pinnock: “With race, you don’t have the whole world on your side”
The musician and author on racism in the music industry, not being defined by her trauma and breathing in Jamaica
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week, we’re speaking to musician, actor and author Leigh-Anne Pinnock, who is of mixed Jamaican, Bajan and white heritage. As the only Black member of Little Mix, Leigh-Anne struggled with her identity and how she was received by both fans and the industry. She has since spoken out about racism and her own journey in a powerful documentary, Leigh-Anne: Race, Pop & Power, and her memoir, Believe. Candid and always wearing her heart on her sleeve, it was incredibly moving to speak to Leigh-Anne about her experiences. Read her story below.
Can you tell me a bit about your background?
Both of my parents are mixed with white British mums. My dad’s dad is Jamaican, my mum’s dad is Bajan. My parents grew up in the ‘60s, interracial relationships were a rare thing at the time.
Did you ever speak to your family about being mixed?
I’ve spoken to them about their experiences [of race.] Like I said, it was rare at the time to have Black and white parents. My dad was once walking down the road with his mum when a white lady came towards them and crossed the road. He was young at the time – to have that vivid memory, I can only imagine however many other stories there are and how he felt.
I think it's important for them to share those experiences with me and my sisters because we're raising mixed children as well. I’m at a place where I’m telling my kids how beautiful they are. I know that this world is going to teach them hate and I just want them to love themselves. One of them saw someone with long, straight hair and said to me “I want hair like this.” I said “no, your hair is stunning, your curls are gorgeous.” I am not having them feel that way.
They’re so innocent, they don’t know what’s to come. It's about equipping and preparing them. My mum and dad never taught me that race was going to hold me back, so that’s always there too. It’s a bit of both.
In your documentary, Leigh-Anne: Race, Pop & Power, your parents spoke about how they identify. Your mum refers to herself as Black, but your dad said “I identify myself as John Pinnock.”
I think that was a really important moment, a lot of people said that my dad was quite inspiring.
I’ve always said my experiences will never define me. There’s trauma attached to some of my time in the industry. If I was to let that define me, how am I ever going to move on? When I think about words that actually define me, resilience is number one. That’s something I’ve taken from my mum.
What was it like growing up in Buckinghamshire?
I grew up in a little village called Downley, just outside High Wycombe, which was predominantly white. I was quite self conscious about my hair in primary school – my mum didn’t really know how to do it. We didn't have many products or YouTube tutorials back then. I remember always trying to smooth it down, looking around at girls who had straight hair.
My secondary school was quite multicultural, I didn't really ever feel alone. I had a lot of Black friends and it felt like I could be myself. My best friend was from St Vincent, so I’d go to her house all the time and have proper Caribbean food cooked by her mum. I was immersed in her culture as well as my own, it always felt like home.
It wasn't until I got into the real world and into the group when bam, I was like, ‘what the fuck is this?’ You're not prepared for it because you've spent most of your life feeling like you can be your whole self.
What was that culture like within your own family?
My grandad moved back to Jamaica the year I was born and we’d go back every year. My connection with Jamaica is so strong. He’s lived in the same house as well, so it feels like a beautiful, nostalgic thing.
With my Bajan heritage, my grandad lived in the UK, but my grandma fully embraced the culture. She raised my mum and her kids with those values, so I really felt my heritage. It was such a huge part of me.
Actor Lennie James said that when he goes to Jamaica, he doesn’t have to think about being Black – he can just be and not think, ‘is this person going to be racist’ or ‘are they looking at me in a certain way?’ Coming back [to England] and stepping off the plane, it’s like ‘shit, back to reality.’ Going [to Jamaica] and not having to worry or think about that is a really releasing feeling.
You’ve been on a real journey with your sense of self – was that personal as well as professional?
I feel like I’m still trying to unlearn the ways in which I view myself. It’s definitely an internal thing, it’s something I can fix and I’m on that journey. Even to be able to talk about it so much is an amazing, brave thing to do. Sometimes people still think it’s in our heads because they don’t understand, so it’s still quite a hard thing to talk about because you don’t have the whole world on your side. You never really will with race.
It’s been both confusion of why people are not seeing me and what I have to offer and that eating me up – blaming myself, putting all of that on the fact that I’m not good enough. That’s something that’s followed me. I feel like I’m making progress, it’s not something that happens overnight. I’m also not a victim in this – I want to be able to speak about it to help other people because, as I said, this shit does not define who I am.
What has it been like to go on that journey? Your documentary and your book, Believe, are so candid.
The first time I spoke out was in an interview with ASOS magazine in 2016. I spoke loosely about my experiences and how I felt like the odd one out and it just got ignored. Then I did my Instagram video, which was at the time the whole world woke up to race. It really did feel like there was a movement happening.
When I did my documentary, even before it came out, I was getting hate from both Black and white communities. I felt like I wasn't Black enough to do what I was doing or speak out. But the white community were dismissing my experiences and were saying it was in my head. That was a really hard place to be.
You can clearly hear the Jamaican influences in your solo music too – was that something you were excited to explore?
It's been the most freeing experience ever. I absolutely loved the music we did in the group, but my personal taste and what I listen to day to day, I can now really put that into my individual music. It’s the best feeling, being able to walk into a room and express myself with the music that I really, truly have a connection with.
There are challenges stepping out of the group. Coming from such a pop background and now doing music that is Black-leaning… People question if my music is too Black-leaning for commercial radio but if it’s right for Black stations. I don't want to be put in a box. Why does it always have to be categories? Why can’t we just be? I'm excited to smash through and do what I'm doing.
Colourism is a big topic in conversations around mixed identity, and one you’ve had publicly.
I definitely don't feel like dark-skinned black women are celebrated enough, especially in pop. It’s awful and I had to address that in my documentary. I don’t know if I would have been put in Little Mix if I had dark skin, especially with where Little Mix was marketed, a girl band with a predominantly white audience. I think it was important to speak about my privilege.
There are so many complexities that aren't spoken about. It’s just about people being empathetic towards each other's experiences, having open conversations and understanding each other. We’ve all got our own story to tell. Imagine if we all just united, it would be beautiful. I think it’s been conditioned into us to not stick together.
Can you sum up your mixed identity in one word?
It's not a singular thing, I don’t think there is one word. If you’re mixed, you have so many different mixes and cultures within so, and there’s beauty in that.
Get your copy of Believe in paperback now. Next week, I’ll be speaking to Izzy Manuel and Rosie Okotcha, hosts of the Spill The Sustainabili-Tea podcast. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox on Monday. Shop Mixed Messages on Etsy now!
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi (by way of East Africa) and my dad is white British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.