Michael Mann: “Being mixed is like being a middle child – character-building”
The author on discovering identity, exciting futures and writing mixed characters
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week, I’m speaking to Michael Mann, a teacher and author of Ghostcloud. Michael is of mixed-Indian and white-Irish heritage, similar to my own, and shared with me his excitement and caution over being mixed. Read how he brought mixed identity into his Ghostcloud characters and more thoughts on identity below.
How do you define your ethnicity?
Typically, I say I’m half-Indian. My mum’s side of the family is Irish, so when I was little I’d say half-Indian, half-Irish. Over time, I dropped the half-Irish bit because I wasn’t sure I could claim it in quite the same way.
Have you felt differently about yourself based on where you’ve lived?
Yeah. London was very diverse, so in my first primary school, you didn’t really think about me not being white. I was the only Christian person there – my dad’s a Christian-Indian.
When I moved to Yorkshire for a time at 10-years-old, I went to a Catholic primary school where me and one other Black girl were the only families of colour. I grew up in Harrogate, which is an affluent town, and I didn’t feel any hostility because I was kind of a novelty. But I was aware of being unusual. The first time I was called a ‘paki’ was in Yorkshire, though this was very much the exception, rather than the rule.
Can people tell that you’re Indian?
Normally no, but more so since I’ve got a bit more beardy. When travelling in South America, people would ask if I was Argentinian. I sometimes get Israeli or Mediterranean, too.
I can sometimes see it in kids in the playground, and I get excited for that sense of connection. I had a happy childhood, and my mixed identity has been a positive thing for me, even if it brings awkward moments or times where you feel like you don’t fit in. It’s exciting to see these little kids get to discover that and have a similar interesting, awkward journey.
How did you connect to your Indian culture?
My grandparents lived in Harrow and we’d go there often to eat my grandma’s amazing food. My mum learned to cook Keralan food with my grandma.
There were other times where I didn’t feel connected. At weddings, I noticed that all my cousins seemed to know what to do when bhangra music came on, but I felt like a white person who couldn’t dance. The language, Malayalam, is also hard. I did try to learn it, but the Malayalis all speak such good English it’s not even that useful. I think my dad has some regrets not doing more on that.
How did being mixed influence Ghostcloud?
Initially I wrote the main character as a mixed-Chinese boy called Luke, and someone asked why I hadn’t made him half-Indian. It brought up strange feelings for me, it felt a bit egocentric to make him the same as me.
I also wondered how I could include it in the book without it being the point of the book. My tutor suggested I weave racism into the book, but I hadn’t really experienced that much racism. I sometimes felt fake going to diversity events because I didn’t feel I was diverse enough, but now I feel more comfortable with myself and can see where I have something to add. I wrote a blog about it here.
I wanted Luke’s mixedness to feel authentic. My preference for Luke’s name would also be a Christian name that wasn’t as identifiable as Smith-Sharma, like mine is Mann, but practically the audience wouldn’t realise he was Indian or mixed-race until well into the book. It’s fine as a concession to signposting. I’d love to see more books where mixedness is incidental to the story.
I also wanted to weave these themes into other characters too. Alma is in-between worlds, and they’re all trying to settle in their halfway points.
What’s the best thing about being mixed?
Having two cultures and backgrounds is fun, and you can enjoy discovering them. I do feel like a middle child, lacking in certain elements, but it’s character-building in a nice way. It helps you be empathetic or reflect on what things aren’t being taught. Also, it’s a good conversation starter!
Can you sum up your mixed identity in a word?
Adventures. It’s a bit like when you come out as gay to yourself – this whole other world opens up to you. I feel the same about embracing my mixed heritage. It’s a process of discovery, and that’s really wonderful.
Ghostcloud is out now. Next week, I’ll be talking to Laura Lewis-Paul, Founder and Creative Director of Saffron. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox on Monday.
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi Indian (by way of East Africa) and my dad is white British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.