Miles Asteri: “People look at me and see a Black guy, but am I?”
The vet and The Traitors star on standing out, mixed stereotypes and the layers of his identity
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week I’m speaking to veterinary nurse Miles Asteri, who is of mixed West Indian, Jamaican, Irish and unknown heritage. You’ll also recognise Miles from The Traitors S2, where he murdered his way through the Scottish castle – fizzy rosé, anyone? I first met Miles years ago when we shot for Mixed Race Faces together (you can read Miles’ story here) and bonded over our shared Brummie roots. I was so excited to bring Miles to Mixed Messages, exploring what his heritage has meant to him. Read Miles’ story here.
How do you define your racial identity?
There’s still a few unknowns to my background. My mom was adopted, she’s Irish and half something West Indian, we’re not quite sure what. She’s very light-skinned, so we don’t know if [her dad] is full West Indian. My father is Jamaican.
It’s a long story, so for ease I say I’m half-Jamaican, half-Irish. I remember going to St. Patrick’s Day and I got loads of grief, people asking why I was there. People thought I was just there for the drink, and I’m like ‘no, I’m actually Irish!’ You try to dip your toes into your culture, but if you don't look how people expect, you’re challenged on that.
I felt like I didn’t fit in a lot of the time because I had a broken family and was from a mixed heritage background. Not only do I have a Bajan stepfather, but I have a stepfamily and a whole culture who I need to be accepted by. People don’t understand the difference between Jamaicans and Bajans. There’s a lot more layers. People look at me and see a Black guy, but am I?
For so many years I went along with what people described me as, now I do find myself correcting them. I say I’m mixed because I think it’s only appropriate to say what I am and what I’ve dealt with. When you’re a child you try to slip under the radar, but now I’m like ‘no, I am different’ and that has got me to certain places in life.
How have you connected to the different cultural parts of your heritage?
My background is very Westernised. I used to get a lot of flack from my cousins because I talk differently to them. They were very harsh in the way they spoke and I was soft, they used to call me ‘posh boy’ growing up.
One thing I’ve always gravitated to is music. My dad was a DJ and at parties my dad would bring the food as well as DJing. Because of that, we’d always be there until the bitter end and I’d be that child that used to sleep on the couch. That’s when I really felt like I was thrown into a different culture. Food, too.
Food can be such an easy way into a culture – it’s a language that needs no words.
Language highlights that you’re a little bit different. When you walk into a room people can see you’re different, then as I talk my terminology and the rhythmics of how I say things is different. But when you get to the table, you’ll have that common denominator. People can get on board and talk in the same language.
Did you ever speak to your family about being mixed?
My mother has struggled with her identity and the unknowns. I found that she wanted to lean into the West Indian side of things, and even though that was fine, it wasn't necessarily my surroundings. I’d be one of two or three Black children in the whole school. My mom [grew up] in an all-white family, so I think she ended up living vicariously through me.
Do you think your sense of self has shifted over time?
Massively. Sometimes it has to – when I go and see my family, I can drop in the jokes and the lingo, but I can’t do that during a consultation at work. When I was doing my qualification in a veterinary practice I pushed into my Western side of things because I knew it was probably going to take me further. There’s been so many times it’s been classed as a disadvantage so I thought ‘I’m going to weaponise that.’ If I don’t fit anywhere then it means I can’t be pigeonholed.
It’s all about trying to protect your inner child. Now, I have enough confidence to want to be different. Maybe if I wasn’t different I wouldn’t be doing a TV show. Hire me because I’m different, let me tick those boxes.
Have you noticed any stereotypes around mixedness? How do you want the conversation to develop in future?
I think there's quite a few stereotypes. In my teens, people would say they were mixed rather than Black and it would be like ‘phew.’ It was like a shield. It was almost cool to be mixed. People used to say that mixed people have the best features ever too.
In the gay community, there’s a stereotype that being Black first and foremost and then being mixed means you play a certain role within the relationship and the bedroom.
I think in the ‘80s and ‘90s, if a Black man was with a white woman they’d be seen as having really made it. I don't think anybody thinks or feels like that in this generation.
What’s the best thing about being mixed?
Not fitting in the box. When you’re a child, all you want to do is be normal and the same as your classmates. Now I love the fact that people can't place me. I love keeping them guessing and making them ask that awkward question.
I love that being mixed is so different at different phases of your life. It was different when I was a teenager, different as a young adult, different going into relationships, different again having a family. It’s ok if you feel more than one way. I sympathise with people when they talk about sexuality being on a scale, because that’s how I feel. Sometimes I want to lean more into my West Indian side, I want to make sure that I continue the culture for my daughters, but at the same time I want to lean into my Western side if I need to, and that's totally fine.
Can you sum up your mixed experience in one word?
Unique. We’re so unique. My experiences, my perspectives, my identity, it’s all unique. The definition is “the only one of its kind and unlike anything else,” and that’s how I’ve always been made to feel. It’s a positive.
Next week, I’ll be speaking to designer Nadine Merabi. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox on Monday.
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi (by way of East Africa) and my dad is white British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.