Moin Hussain: “At your worst, you’re not part of anything. At your best, you’re part of everything”
The director on feeling like a fraud, letting go of belonging and the severed link to his Pakistani heritage
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week, I’m speaking to director Moin Hussain, who is of mixed-Pakistani and white British heritage. Moin’s debut feature film, Sky Peals, follows Adam, a mixed-race night shift worker who starts to believe that his dad is from an alien race. It’s a touching and at times heartbreaking watch, with so much to say about mixed identity. Before you catch the film later this month, read Moin’s story below.
How do you define your identity?
I say mixed-race. I’ve heard different phrases recently and it makes me wonder if I’ve missed an update.
My dad is from Pakistan and came to Leeds with his dad and siblings when he was about six. My mum is English, a mix of Welsh and stuff, but British.
We lived in East London until I was about 10 and then moved to a small town called Kings Lynn in Norfolk, which was a very different environment.
What was that like?
In East London, everyone's from everywhere. At that age, I wasn’t really thinking about identity, but I remember a few things starting to creep in, people mentioning differences. But going from that to a school that was essentially completely white, you start thinking about it. We moved in around 2001, which as we know was a difficult time. It was certainly a culture shock.
Do you feel like you move through the world as a white or brown man?
Both? It’s funny, my name flags as very Asian, whereas my complexion and looks look more like a white person, whatever that means. People look at me and think there’s something there, but they’re not sure what. When they see your name, it all starts coming up.
In my creative work, I’ve definitely felt a lot more Asian as people have seen my name before meeting me. It's nice in some ways, because I've felt disconnected from my heritage at times that helps you feel a part of something almost. There’s this constant feeling in between two things and not quite being a part of anything, so it’s been interesting starting from that point in conversations instead of people catching up to that later on.
In some ways, wanting to belong feels futile. That’s what I was exploring in the film, how in today’s climate, everyone always wants to belong and be part of something. But it feels like a very definitive push towards being part of one group or team or thing. Even if you do firmly identify yourself in one way, it’s never going to be all of you. We all want to feel part of a wider story and understand our own stories, but once I stopped looking, I realised that even if I was fully Pakistani or fully English, that would be futile anyway.
Is that journey something you consciously embarked on?
I guess so. I don’t feel like it’s a definitive journey that’s started and finished, but I do think that was the spark for writing Sky Peals. I was trying to place myself, taking that idea and blowing it up to a thousand.
On my dad’s side of the family, he’s one of seven and the only one who isn't in Leeds or West Yorkshire, so I haven‘t grown up around that family. We’re in touch and we get on, but it wasn’t something I was around a lot.
I’ve never been to Pakistan, I don’t speak Punjabi or Urdu, and around that time my grandad had just died. He was the last real link back there. He came over in the ‘60s, worked, saved his money and built a house back in Pakistan. Every time we’d see him, he’d say “you’ll come to Pakistan,” but we never got to go. It felt like a very definitive link being severed. I think it was around that point I thought ‘I do want to know about this and understand it,’ not having spent much time thinking about it or it being part of my day-to-day life.
Going to these spaces to learn more about these things, you feel like unless somebody is there showing you the way, ‘is this your space to enter? A lot of the time it is. You need to have confidence in that. There’s also a feeling of guilt or like you’re a fraud.
Tell me more about Sky Peals.
The short I originally made was called Naptha, which was a simpler, smaller story about a father and son, the father talking about wanting to go home and what home means. I was exploring that feeling of knowing you’re part of somewhere that you’ve never been to and feels alien, then also seeing where you feel alienated in the world you exist in as well. This character is just in between, not quite existing in his own life. He’s grasping, floating around, and the reemergence of his dad is a starting point for him to try and piece together that sense of self.
He’s a very internal character who becomes more external. For me, it was looking at how sometimes we become so inward and focused on who we are and what that means that we shut the world out, thinking the worst is going to happen, that people are going to judge and misunderstand us. When he starts to come out of himself, he begins to realise that everyone is in between situations or lost and lonely in their own way. His experience, while it's very specific to him, is universal at the same time.
What’s the best thing about being mixed for you?
I think it gives you a unique way of looking at things. Through always having a foot in both camps and seeing things from two perspectives, I can carry that into the rest of my life and it helps me as a filmmaker.
As much as you don't have a particular membership to one finite group, it's nice to be able to have wider cultural access. When you're at your worst, you don't feel a part of anything, but at your best, you feel a part of everything.
Can you sum up your mixed experience in one word?
Mixed!
Watch Sky Peals on BFI Player later this month. Next week, I’ll be taking a break as it’s my birthday! There may still be a special surprise, so keep an eye on your inboxes. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox later this month. Shop Mixed Messages on Etsy now!
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi (by way of East Africa) and my dad is white British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.
Amazing read - "do you move through the world as a white or brown person" was such a great question. I just interviewed Faraz Ayub about Sky Peals too and I love how well Moin and him worked together to make this great film come to life 🫡