Natalie Simpson: “I’ve been referred to as Black, but never white”

The actress on reframing race, a rooted Nigerian identity and the need for nuance

Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week I’m speaking to actress Natalie Simpson, who is of mixed Nigerian and English heritage. Natalie has appeared on screen and stage, as well as narrating audiobooks for the likes of Daisy Buchanan and Shonda Rhimes. Natalie was so candid about her thoughts on mixed identity and I can’t wait for you to read her story below.

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Can you tell me a bit about your racial background?

My mum is Nigerian, my dad is English. My mum is Igbo and my dad is from Farnham originally, so village types on both sides. 

I was born in Nigeria and lived there for 24 years basically – I came to school [in England] at 11 but went back [to Nigeria] every Easter, summer and Christmas. I was very much living a split life – I had a Nigerian accent until I was 11 and then turned English when I came here. I don’t always feel connected to the British Nigerian community, it’s very different to actually being born in Nigeria and experiencing that culture firsthand.

Did you have different experiences of yourself in the two different countries?

In Nigeria I was always referred to as a white person, hearing things like “you were taken out of the oven too soon.” I know what it’s like being a minority in both countries.

I used to feel very mixed-race when I came over, very strongly felt that I was a mix of both and sat firmly in the middle. I only started to feel Black when I became an actor. My Black side was coming more to the forefront because it felt like I’d historically oppressed myself by changing my hair and my accent. Now I feel like I’ve reclaimed as much of the Nigerian side as I can – I feel more Nigerian than I do English.

I see Nigerian culture everywhere, in music, food and movies, this side I used to feel really ashamed of, especially at school. People said my hair looked like sheep’s wool and my food looked like dog’s food. 

Do you think growing up in Nigeria helped give you a solid foundation in your identity?

This is not a comment on anyone else’s experience, but perhaps I feel less like I need to prove my Nigerian identity. I can imagine that if you were born in this country, people asking where you’re from can become quite frustrating. When people ask me that, I’m instantly transported back to where I belong in my heart, so I don’t feel like I’m floating around in this other place. It’s made me feel quite rooted in my Nigerianness.  

Language is a tricky thing – has how you refer to yourself changed over time?

In my old age I’ve become less formidable. I’m happy to say mixed-race, even though some people have told me I shouldn’t. I used to say half-caste when I was growing up in Nigeria – it didn’t offend me, it was just a way of referring to me. I’m happy with what anyone wants to say. I’ve been referred to as Black, but I’ve never been referred to as white. You can’t control how people see you.

How do you want the conversation around mixed identity to move forward?

I don’t know if my opinion would be fashionable. I do think there’s an unhealthy amount of stress placed on where you place yourself on the hierarchical structure of victimhood. Saying that you’re a victim is not always helpful, it can cause more divisions and make people defensive.

Sometimes there can be a feeling of taking the societal out on the interpersonal too much. You can say someone is a certain type of person and couldn’t possibly understand, but you have no idea where they’ve come from. There’s so much more to a person than the colour of their skin.

Sometimes I feel we do get a bit stuck on labelling and categorising people, finding out their worth based on what they look like. I’ve never really felt comfortable with that and maybe that’s because I’ve grown up with both sides. I can see a slight hypocrisy to that, it doesn’t mean that I don’t think things need the right attention and love, but sometimes it feels like conversations are shut down based on arbitrary things. There’s a lack of nuance there on both sides. 

Do you think being mixed has given you that empathy?

I haven’t always been this way, I’ve changed a lot. I used to feel very put upon when I first became an actor for being Black mixed-race. It was like an uphill battle, but I decided not to take every single thing personally. Microaggressions are sometimes just pure ignorance. As a white person in Nigeria, there’s certain things people are going to say to you, the same as a Black person in England.

We’ve lost a bit of that grace where you understand people might be interested in your difference. It feels entitled for me to walk onto a film set and for everyone to know how to do my hair, to expect everyone to know my experience when I don’t know everyone else’s. 

What’s the best thing about being mixed for you?

I can be so many colours at so many different times, my hair is extremely versatile… I just love being mixed-race, it’s so expansive. You can be such a chameleon. 

I used to see it as never having a grounded base, now I see it as being a kite, being able to fit into any scenario you plop me into. I don’t know if it’s because I’m mixed, or my upbringing, or the fact that I moved around a lot when I was younger. I just tried to travel and be nomadic.

Can you sum up your mixed experience in a word?

Unicorn-rainbow.  

Listen to Natalie narrate Limelight by Daisy Buchanan, Queen Charlotte by Julia Quinn and Shonda Rhimes, A House For Alice by Diana Evans and many more titles. Next week I’ll be talking to illustrator Lucy Farfort. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox on Monday. 

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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi (by way of East Africa) and my dad is white British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.