Natasha Cottriall: “I feel like I haven’t stepped into a global majority yet”
The actress on missing pieces, celebrating different stories and growing new parts
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week I’m speaking to actor, writer and singer Natasha Cottriall, who is of mixed Jamaican and white heritage. Natasha didn’t meet her dad until her teens, so growing up in Wigan was definitely an experience. Now, Natasha is sharing her story in the semi-autobiographical play (God Save My) Northern Soul, presenting a new and vital view of mixed identity. Read her story below.
Can you tell me a bit about your family background?
I’m from Wigan, a small town in the North West. I grew up there with my mum and I didn’t meet my dad until I was 16.
I’d class myself as a mixed-race woman. I quite enjoy that term. As an actor, I work with lots of people who want to be referred to differently. I find that interesting because I wonder if it’s wrong that I like ‘mixed-race.’ Someone preferred ‘global majority,’ but that doesn’t resonate with me even though it’s the truth. Maybe because I grew up with the white side of my family – I feel like I haven’t stepped into a global majority yet.
How did that impact you, not having a relationship with your dad as a child?
It was difficult, there was quite a big gap in that education. I don’t feel like it was necessarily my mum’s job to know that much about it because they weren’t married, but the brilliant thing is she was a hairdresser, so my hair always looked great.
I was the only non-white person in my primary school. When I was five, I thought I was Spanish because we went on holiday there a lot and the skin colour was the closest I’d seen to my tone. Then I started to be more inquisitive and ask where my dad was from. When she said Jamaica, I didn’t know a lot about it as a country, you’re not taught about it in primary school.
When I met my dad at 16, we looked so similar. But I didn’t get much of the culture. My culture had been Wigan, whatever that is – rugby and Northern Soul? That influenced me musically for sure. Kidulthood was my reference for what it was like to be Black, I was obsessed with going to London and being with other Black people. I was trying to find that bit that was missing and picking it out of visuals on TV. When I moved to London to do drama, I was in Wood Green which is so vibrant.
What did it feel like to be around a more diverse group of people?
It was overwhelming at first in some ways. I remember discovering Pak’s, it was like a cave of wonders. Then at drama school, it was back to being three or four [people of colour.] It was like being back at school.
I started to feel like I didn’t have the right experiences to portray a Black or mixed-race person, which is a strange thing. At one job, everyone was talking about their upbringing and food and I was just thinking, ‘man, I’ve never had that.’ They all shared these references even though their backgrounds were different African or Caribbean cultures. I felt a bit of imposter syndrome. I’m surrounded by a group that I want to be in, but it highlights what I feel is missing for me.
Did you ever speak to your family about how you felt?
When I was growing up, I maybe asked a bit about my dad and his side of the family, but at the same time I didn’t want to upset my mum.
Unfortunately my mum died when I was 19, which shifted a lot of things. I think I’d want to speak a bit more about it now, but not in a confrontational way. I thought about it a lot during the Black Lives Matter protests. Sometimes people have said things and I find it scary to challenge it when I don’t feel secure enough to have all the answers and articulate them.
Sometimes I think my family doesn't see me as Black or mixed-race and the importance of that. One relative said she’d been to the slavery museum in Liverpool and that “it was quite bad what they did to them wasn’t it,” not connecting it to how that might relate to me.
Have you ever been to Jamaica?
I was lucky enough to go earlier this year, it was amazing. I was vegan for a long time so I wondered what I’d eat, then I learned about Ital food. But when I did go, I wanted to eat everything just because I didn’t know if I’d go back and I wanted to have all the things I missed out on growing up.
There was part of me that expected to be welcomed or remembered, but I just had to embrace it and see how it sat, how I wore it. If you have a Western upbringing, that’s very different. It was eye-opening, I thought something would click and that would be what I was missing, like the flavour, but actually I think there’s nothing missing. Everything’s the way it should be. That makes for interesting storytelling, it makes you who you are.
How did these experiences influence your new show, (God Save My) Northern Soul?
The show is semi-autobiographical, based on a girl called Nicole who loses her mum when she’s 19. It watches her try to cling on to her teens but be thrust into adulthood. She doesn’t really know what she wants to do, but she has a house, a sandwich business and a random BMW. She can’t even drive!
(God Save My) Northern Soul watches her understand and accept grief while trying to be an adult and pay bills… with Northern Soul music.
I love that if I write a story about growing up mixed-race in Wigan, then someone who wrote a story about growing up mixed-race in Bolton will be a completely different experience. The environment can create two different stories and that’s something to be celebrated rather than struggle to be put in a box.
Can you sum up your mixed identity in a word?
Rerooting. You’re growing new parts to try and find your own stability.
(God Save My) Northern Soul is on at Theatre 503 on September 4th and 5th. Get your tickets here. Next week, I’ll be talking to podcaster and sustainability consultant Emma Slade Edmondson. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox on Monday.
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi (by way of East Africa) and my dad is white British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.
I haven't heard "global majority" as an identifier for mixed people before. Interesting! I also prefer "mixed" myself.
Natasha’s story very much resonated with me... this line especially: “I felt a bit of imposter syndrome. I’m surrounded by a group that I want to be in, but it highlights what I feel is missing for me.”
This is me as a Black/white person who identifies as Black, but is light-skinned/white-passing and brought up in a mostly white environment.
I never feel like have the “right” to speak up with any authority on Black issues.
Very much appreciated this piece!!