Nephthys Foster: “I cry touching down in the Philippines – everyone looks like my mum”
The illustrator on loss, finding a Filipino community and how money complicates connection
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week, I’m speaking to illustrator Nephthys Foster, who is of mixed-Filipino and white British heritage. I first met Nephthys at Salad Days Market, where her colourful prints and bright smile couldn’t help but draw a crowd. You’ll likely recognise her ‘bisou bisou’ prints and spaghetti squiggles, and can now see her designs adorning Anthropologie’s sought-after 2024 advent calendar. Read her story below.
How do you describe your identity?
I would say I’m mixed, but no one knows what I’m mixed with. Everyone would say I look mixed with Chinese, especially when I was really young because I don’t think they knew there were other Asian things. Then it moved on to Spanish. When I’m in the Philippines, people think I’m Turkish. Some people here think I’m Hawaiian. No one really knows.
How did your parents meet?
My mum came here when she was 17, my dad was 40 or 50 and married her to get her over to the country. My sister and I didn’t grow up around a normal marriage, they didn’t share the same bed. But as kids, we didn’t realise because we were so surrounded by love. They were best friends. When I was 15, she had a sudden heart attack and passed away.
My mum grew up in severe poverty, so she came over here to become my dad's carer. When she passed away, I had to become my dad's carer. Then he passed away four years later. Ever since she passed, I don't really identify with being Filipino anymore.
What was your connection like to Filipino culture before that?
We used to go back for two months every year, we were so close to all of our cousins and aunties. My mum would send every penny back to them. When she passed, they expected us to do the same, but my dad didn’t want to do that. Money got involved, and now we don't really speak to any of our family in the Philippines.
The worst thing my mum ever did was not teach us Tagalog. She refused, she didn’t want us working in the Philippines. I feel ashamed to not be able to speak it. I picked it up when I lived there for two years after my mum passed, but as soon as I came back to England I lost it.
After mum died, we learned how to cook from YouTube – our dad was useless in that sense. We used to try and make Filipino foods to keep that connection, and because we bloody love it. Now, we make an effort to go to Filipino restaurants to feel that sense of community.
Do you feel Filipino now?
I don’t know, I feel like I can’t be a part of either. I'm not Filipino enough and I'm not British enough, but people will always see the British side of me more because of the way I speak. Mine and my sister's personalities are typical Philippines – we’d never cause a scene in public. You must be respectful, kind and caring. We were both nannies, our mum was a nanny, our grandma too. But when a karaoke machine comes out, that’s me and my sister done. We can sing.
I’d love to identify and look like a Filipino. My sister looks more Filipino than I do and I used to get called a ‘throwback.’ I don't look like any of my parents, but then the Philippines got invaded by Spain and China, so our grandma’s a quarter Chinese as well.
If I have children, I’ve thought about getting them Tagalog lessons and threatening to send them to the Philippines. I’d always be threatened to be sent to a convent. I’d want to go back to the Philippines with them so they can find out where they come from – I don’t want it to die. I worry about dying because my partner’s white and when we have a baby, it's going to be quarter Filipino. I don't want them to forget where their grandma came from.
Has your heritage inspired your work?
It's not yet impacted my work. I’d love to explore old Filipino techniques more and look back into their art collection.
What has affected me is watching my mum clean houses and look after other people’s children every day – that gave me work ethic. Seeing her give her all to something so she could feed people back in the Philippines showed me what real work was. I’m sure she had other things she wanted to do in life, but instead, she was feeding her family. It’s given me a boost, this can’t fail.
Have you noticed any stereotypes around mixed identity?
There’s still a lot of Asian hate stemming from COVID, and being from South East Asia often comes with harmful stereotypes, especially around relationships and intimacy. My boyfriend has even been asked if he picked me up on a street corner in Thailand.
When my mum was on her way back here for the first time, the air hostess asked my dad if he’d like to sit next to his child or his maid. I always wonder how alone she felt, surrounded by loads of white people, away from her family at 17?
What’s the best thing about being mixed for you?
Being able to see the other side of the world from a very young age. We’d get off the plane in the Philippines and mum would say ‘don't show off where you come from.’ We’d go straight from the airport to where she grew up and it humbled us. We appreciated what we had.
With the Filipino community, they bring you in. It’s like an instant magnet. I like that I can do that with other people. Even putting the Filipino flag in my bio, I worried people would think I was lying, but I’m proud to be Filipino. All it takes me is to get off the plane in the Philippines and I feel Filipino again. I cry every time I touch down because everyone looks like my mum.
Can you sum up your mixed identity in one word?
Comforting. It’s so comforting but then so strange.
See more of Nephthys Foster’s work here, and don’t forget to enter our fourth birthday giveaway! Next week, I’ll be speaking to presenter and DJ Becca Dudley. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox on Monday. Shop Mixed Messages on Etsy now!
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi (by way of East Africa) and my dad is white British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.