Sharon Gaffka: “When I say I’m mixed-race, people get very confused”
The podcast host on Asian stereotypes, her untouched heritage and the responsibility of her platform
Image: Stacey Clarke
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week I’m speaking to Sharon Gaffka, who is of Indonesian, Polish and English heritage. You may recognise Sharon from Love Island 2021, but since then, Sharon has continued to fight for women’s rights, including playing a key role in an anti-spiking campaign, and has just launched the women-focused Girls Know Nothing podcast. Read her story below.
How do you define your racial identity?
I’m 50% Indonesian, a quarter Polish and a quarter English. I tend to follow my mum’s traditions, like the way of living, food and cultural stuff, that’s probably why I identify more as Asian than European. I always describe myself as Asian, or Eurasian, because when I say I’m mixed-race people get very confused – it can mean so many things.
Has that been consistent for you over time?
I’m definitely stronger on the Asian heritage now than when I was younger. I grew up in a predominantly white and blonde area, so I stuck out a lot. When you’re younger, you worry about that, whereas when you get older you don’t care as much.
Growing up, did you connect to your Indonesian and Polish cultures?
I never really connected with my Polish heritage because my grandfather died when I was very young, and my dad has taken a very English approach to life. I also don’t look very Polish, even though my surname is very Polish. That side of my heritage is very much left untouched – I don’t speak the language or know how to cook any of the food. I’ve only been less than a handful of times as well, despite it being a couple of hours flight away.
With my Asian culture, I used to go to Indonesia at least once a year on holiday. I have a very big Asian family, my mum is one of twelve, so there’s no shortage of people to be connected with. I also do beauty pageants, which are like an Asian sport. Plus I look very Asian and I think that’s the first thing people pick up about me.
Sometimes the conversation about being mixed-race can feel stuck – do you feel that way?
I don’t feel like I’ve been stuck in any conversations around mixedness, but there’s loads of conversations about Asian racial stereotypes. Most of the ignorance comes into play in romantic relationships – when I was on a dating app, someone asked if I was a banana; yellow on the outside, white on the side. One guy made a comment on the colour of Asian women’s genitals and nipples, and in pornography, Asian women from my region are usually fetishised in terms of being quiet and submissive.
Since I left Love Island, I’ve adopted more of my Asian features. I had all of my filler dissolved, I got rid of the balayage hair and I’m making my cultural heritage more obvious. ‘This is who I am, and if you don’t like it, back off,’ basically.
Is that because you feel more comfortable in your Asianness these days? Maybe you feel a sense of responsibility with your platform?
Yeah. There’s not a lot of Asian people on TV. Love Island is watched by so many young people from all different walks of life. I did a talk at an aesthetics event and lots of Asian doctors said that me talking about how proud I am of my culture and features made their children less likely to want to whitewash themselves. People watching me might feel better about themselves and about their own culture so I do feel a lot more responsibility, but that responsibility isn’t a burden. It’s made me try to figure out who I am more quickly.
Love Island is one of the reasons this newsletter exists. I’d see contestants say that ‘mixed-race’ guys were their type, but I knew they didn’t mean my mix. Did you have any issues in the villa?
Everyone remembers the argument I had with Hugo, which was very much taken out of context. I brought up how I wouldn’t judge somebody based on their race, and quite a lot of people took that as if I was comparing being Black to [judging someone based on] cosmetic procedures.
I’m not insecure about someone’s opinion on what they fancy, but one thing that upset me was that during and prior to that game, a lot of derogatory comments were made about women, including about their choices and their race. One Islander said their type was ‘mixed-race,’ but didn’t use that term. They used language that I found massively offensive, like referring to us as ‘little mixies,’ but all of that was cut from the show. I kept hearing them saying they liked brunettes, tanned skin or mixed-race people… but why was I the one who was single then?
We often talk about the downsides of being mixed, but what’s one of the best things about being mixed for you?
I’ve experienced better food! Everyone had soggy sandwiches at school, my mum would give me rice and chicken. From a young age I was experiencing different cultures.
I think I’ve been very fortunate to have a better understanding of the world. My mum didn’t grow up in a wealthy country, so I experienced what poverty looks like from a young age. I understand what it’s like to not have a free education and healthcare because I’ve witnessed it. Whereas I think a lot of people that I’ve come across in my life are brats, for lack of a better word. I think it’s made me a more rounded person.
Can you sum up your mixed experience in a word?
Delicious. My Polish grandfather was a chef, and my Indonesian mother. I have the best food from every culture.
Next week I’ll be talking to artist Jane Thakoordin. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox on Monday to find out.
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi (by way of East Africa) and my dad is white British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.