Soon Wiley: “I don’t have a definitive label or know what group I fit into”
The author on how the mixed conversation has changed, the duality of his work and human complexity
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week I’m speaking to author Soon Wiley, who is of Korean and American heritage. Soon’s debut novel When We Fell Apart, is out now, and is led by Min, a biracial Korean-American who wants answers after his girlfriend Yu-jin is found dead. Duality is a key theme in the book, with many characters almost living two lives. Below, we discuss When We Fell Apart, Soon’s own upbringing and more.
How do you define your ethnicity?
It’s always in flux. When I was younger, I was definitively Asian. I was a very Asian-looking baby (although not according to my Korean grandfather). I always thought of myself as biracial, but now I think the trend is more to identify with the more marginalised aspects of your identities.
Now, I think of myself as Korean, but even that feels weird because sometimes I don’t feel that Korean. Being biracial, I don’t feel like I have a definitive label or know what group I fit into. It feels fraudulent.
I loved this line from Min in your book: “you're allowed to be mixed up to a certain point, and then you're expected to choose.” How has your sense of self shifted over time?
What Min was referencing in that moment was that as you get older, you start realising that your social, romantic and professional lives are guided by the decisions that you make around who you identify as.
In the early ‘90s, pre-internet, the conversation was not about the percentages in your body. My mom would say “you’re not 50% this and 50% something else, you’re a human being,” which was an affirming feeling. But when you’re older, that’s not a satisfying answer to people.
Early on, I knew I was ‘different’ or that I wasn’t white, but lots of that is around my name. I didn’t have a dominant cultural experience at home, my parents weren’t speaking Korean. Today, I think it’s very popular to celebrate the parts of ourselves that make us different, but back then you wanted your kids to speak English and assimilate. I understand the desire for your kids to have an easier time, but those kids often grow up resentful of the fact that they don’t have this connection to their homeland or culture. I feel like parents can’t win.
I’ve become more aware of my Asian identity, but as I’ve gotten older, I look more white. It’s very bizarre when you’re trying to come up with a definitive sense of self, but the version of yourself that other people see changes. That can be confusing.
When We Fell Apart features Min, a biracial Korean-American character. How much of your own experience did you put into the book?
I lived in Korea for a year, so me and Min overlap in our shared experiences and our reactions to the way we were perceived, but that’s probably where the similarities stop.
The book straddles the line between being a whodunnit and a more meditative literary work, so it’s mixed in its genre too. Korea is also two countries in one, essentially, and there’s all sorts of references to the characters being multiple things at once.
Did you learn anything about yourself writing this book?
Before I started writing the book, I wasn't really writing about identity. All my characters were white by default. I started bringing race and identity into my work at the end of my Masters degree, and I realised that that was okay. I almost gave myself permission to do it.
I was a bit resistant to a story following a character getting in touch with their homeland, but as a writer sometimes you don't have a choice – the story just comes out. So I learned that I was more willing to accept those parts of myself, and that this was something I wanted to write about.
What’s the best thing about being mixed for you?
We’re taught to think in very binary terms, which can be confusing when you’re younger. Being biracial forces you to recognise the complexities in human beings. I think to exist as human beings we have to put things into boxes just to function in our daily lives. But we should be okay living with conflicting points of view and feelings.
Do you think there is a stereotype of what it means to be mixed in America?
I don’t think so because there’s so many gradients to it. The very nature of being mixed-race is that it invites questions. I think there are a lot of aspects of biracial identity that resist pigeonholing and stereotyping, which is a place where biracial people can flourish a little bit.
Can you sum up your mixed identity in a word?
Continuous. It’s something that’s always changing, never fixed.
Buy When We Fell Apart here. Next week I’ll be talking to author Jasmine Sealy. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox on Monday.
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi (by way of East Africa) and my dad is white British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.
Everyone has a dual heritage- their mother’s and their father’s.