Yasmin Wilde: “I allowed the other part of myself to breathe properly when I started acting”
The actress and playwright on keeping doors open, her colourful heritages and reclaiming identity
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week I’m speaking to actress and playwright Yasmin Wilde, who is of mixed Pakistani and Austrian heritage. In her latest play Glitterball, Yasmin was influenced by her own mixed experience, exploring culture and identity through main character, Sonia. Here, Yasmin shares her experiences as an actress and how she’s seen the industry change over time, as well as why she now feels ‘Asian enough.’ Read her story below.
What’s your background?
I’m half Pakistani from my dad’s side, and my mum is Austrian. Austria itself is a relatively new country, so the Austrian side is Russian, Eastern European, a little bit Germanic, Hungarian… My parents met in London while he was at Imperial College and she was showing him around a flat while she was doing a secretarial course, I think.
Some days you’re interested in talking about it, other times you think ‘I don’t want to go through this.’ I have mixed friends in my close circle, and I wonder whether I gravitated to them or we clung to each other – there’s something about not having to feel like the weird or exotic one, and having that shorthand with people.
If you’re half-white, people see that as your default or ‘normal’ part. The other part is the exotic bit of ink that’s been put into this glass of pure water, almost like it’s been tainted by it. But from my point of view, my Austrian identity is just as colourful as my Pakistani side.
How have you approached castings with your mixed heritage and sometimes unplaceable looks?
When I was a young actor, there weren’t many Asian parts around. When I’d put myself forward for stuff, I wouldn’t be that specific about my heritage. I could be Greek, Italian, lots of things. It was a big advantage back then – I kept the door open because it was hard to be seen. Now, casting has become more specific. I think they’re a bit spooked by not wanting to appear to be insensitive.
I’m a product of the culture I grew up in. I’m in my 50s now, and however much you change, you have an acceptance of things that younger people don’t. That’s why some older actors think younger actors are being difficult, but it’s good – we need younger people to shake things up. I do think there should be an element of openness to casting, but you do really notice if casting isn’t authentic. They miss out on certain cultural things, like the words people would or wouldn’t use. You also notice if you’re a bit of an afterthought in the cast.
When I left drama school, it was such a different picture. My name is Yasmin Faruqi and I was told that it would be hard with two Pakistani names, because I didn’t look Pakistani, but that I wouldn’t work outside of Asian roles. My first name is actually Austrian too, but I changed my name. Now I deeply regret it – I love my name. In your 20s, you’re still discovering who you are and defining yourself. You’re quite malleable and you don’t realise the value of that stuff. But I’m happy with my new name, I adapted it from my mum’s name.
When you started out, you said that you didn’t feel ‘Asian enough’ to join some Asian theatre companies – is that still the case?
At the time, they were quite grass roots. I felt intimidated to march in there. There were a lot of people not being represented at all, having to create their own work and struggling to put their voices across. I didn’t feel I came from that – I didn’t grow up in a working class Asian community, where being an actor wasn’t even an idea. I grew up in a white area, my dad was a scientist and our relatives all lived far away.
At that time, I hadn’t quite connected with that side of myself. It’s a journey for all of us. I spent every summer in Austria, I cook the food, speak the language… it was a second home in a way. But we never went to Pakistan, it wasn’t something I saw around me, so I shied away from it. It was only when I started acting and met more people like me that I allowed that part of myself to breathe properly.
Now, I would love to work with those companies and feel completely entitled to. I’ve realised that there isn’t just one Asian experience. Navigating where you belong is hard, it takes a long time to work that out. Becoming a parent helps – you realise when you look at your kids that life would be easier if you don’t have to pretend that you know everything.
You’ve just toured your new play, Glitterball – can you tell me a bit about the story and how it came to be?
Rifco Theatre Company is a British South Asian touring theatre company who play a vital role in reflecting authentic stories from within the community, and open up conversations on issues affecting it. Their mentorship scheme known as the Associates Programme offers a platform for underrepresented writers. Already as a mixed person, I was thinking ‘can I apply for this?’
I thought that there wasn’t a lot of writing about what it means to be a mixed-race person, so I wrote Glitterball, which has elements of my life in it. I thought it would be interesting for this character to have been brought up in a white area by her mother, not knowing anything about her father or having contact with that side of herself. Her mum also didn’t have the tools to accommodate or nurture that side of her. When it does come into her life, how does she assimilate to it? She goes a bit too far, dressing up in the salwar kameez and trying out Bollywood dances, but at the end of the show she gets up and sings her own song which incorporates all her influences, including some bhangra beats, encapsulating her identity as a whole.
I also wanted to write about what it’s like to be a middle-aged mother, the identity crisis of your racial identity and your identity as a woman, trying to reclaim that as well as being a mum.
It was exciting and liberating to write it, but the racial element was the bit I was most nervous of. I wanted to show her being a bit crass and clunky with it without falling into the same trap myself.
Do you think there are assumptions about mixed people?
I don’t know if there’s assumptions about mixed-race people except to say that if you’re half-white and half something else, you’re not white enough for the white community and vice versa. You’re disenfranchised from both. But you also have the great privilege of being able to speak for both.
When you experience a culture, a lot of your prejudices about it disappear. If you’ve got various cultures in you, you know them from the inside. Another thing about being part of a culture is you can criticise it. It's very hard to criticise something from the outside, but we can do it from the inside.
We mustn’t forget the English part here too. I feel very English, with an English sensibility and reactions.
What’s one of the best things about being mixed for you?
That feeling of being part of a global community. It breaks the myths of national boundaries and identity. We have a national identity, every country does, but it’s much deeper than that. It’s our human identity, and the human experience is a universal one. It gives you a more open mind about things too.
I have this mishmash mosaic kind of life, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It's brilliant to be from somewhere and really know where your roots are, but I feel there's something very rich about and privileged about having lots of aspects to your identity and feeling entitled to speak about and to investigate and explore lots of cultures from inside.
Can you sum up your mixed experience in a word?
Special, in that it is unique. It's slightly othered me as well, which sometimes separates you from the herd, but not in a negative way.
Next week I’ll be talking to producer Sally El Hosaini. Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox on Monday.
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi (by way of East Africa) and my dad is white British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.