Charlie Siddick: “Being white was the easiest way to be understood”
The curator on losing culture to upward mobility and not apologising for whiteness
Hi, welcome back to Mixed Messages! This week I’m speaking to Charlie Siddick, who is the founder and curator of Purslane Art. Charlie has struggled with finding her place in the conversation as someone who presents as white but wants to make a change, but is beginning to connect with people who have shifted her sense of self and led her to see that she doesn’t have to apologise for who she is. Read her story below.
How do you define your ethnicity?
I describe myself as mixed-heritage in the right space. Although I don’t particularly feel it, I look white, which I'm aware is a privilege in the western world. My father never met his Jamaican father, and from that he carries his own trauma which he’s passed on to his children in different degrees. It means I’m basically cut off from my heritage, which has been really painful.
Has your sense of self shifted over time?
I wasn’t sure how to formulate my feelings about my identity when I was younger; I would say I was white. I had a privileged upbringing so didn’t meet a lot of people of mixed-heritage. I also have difficult feelings about aligning myself with a group of people who have been systematically mistreated for centuries. I don’t want to tailgate on a cause that isn’t entirely my own, but being of African heritage, I feel strongly about those issues.
Did you speak to your family about your identity?
I remember my dad taking me to school and people asking if he was my grandad. I didn’t understand why it wasn’t obvious to them [that he was my dad]. I also remembered having to draw a family tree, where my mum’s side was fairly full. I asked my dad “why are there no leaves on your tree?” How do you have a conversation not only about race, but about a father that left his child, with your young daughter?
I spent a lot of time feeling comfortable being white because it was the easiest way to be understood. The benefits of being white-presenting mean you have the ability to be at home in any state. But it’s important to be seen, and it’s been quite painful not feeling seen.
Did your dad’s lack of connection to his Afro-Caribbean culture mean you searched for it later in life?
My dad was born in the ‘70s, which was an incredibly difficult time to be a person of colour in London. I feel like that generation spent a long time trying to assimilate into white culture, which was complicated. I feel like he’s been masquerading and looking towards the culture of colonialism, because that’s where [people like him] see upward mobility. I feel my dad did that, but I’m not judging him.
Now, I’ve come back to this culture in my own way, a way that feels authentic and natural rather than focusing on what’s popular. I love African music rather than rap, for example.
Was the aftermath of George Floyd’s murder pivotal for you?
100% – Purslane Art came completely out of that. Seeing everything unfold was traumatic, and I wanted to contribute something to the movement in a meaningful way. I do that through working with emerging artists and changing the path from graduation to showing their work – at the moment, people are primed for different careers promoting the same established artists at art universities. I want to help these artists get sales, then donate 25% of sales to different charities serving overlooked communities. I want to lead my business with integrity; that needs to be a core value.
How do you think the conversation about being mixed needs to change?
I think in a generation or two more people are going to be mixed in the way that I am, where it’s not clear where you’re from. That’s empowering and freeing for me, because it’s an equaliser if that way of being mixed becomes the majority. I hope people will be more comfortable and accepting of one another, because there won’t be a majority white supremacist group in the same way. We’re moving towards a global society where we’re connecting in so many ways, and that will move things along.
I feel like white people are the most uncomfortable in these conversations. It’s almost as if when you identify as English, you’re identifying as a colonialist, but there’s obviously an incredible heritage there. There’s a lot to be celebrated in cultures that have been oppressed and rose back up again, and have these parts of their culture intact, whereas in England we propelled forward so quickly in an industrialist sense that we’ve lost a lot of the beautiful folklore.
I listened to this incredible podcast with a woman of Native American heritage, who said she spent the early part of her life feeling guilty about her white side. To reconcile with that, she looked into British mythology as a way of grounding into something that was rooted in nature. That really changed the way I thought about things.
Which mixed artists do you connect with?
I’m working with Charlotte Edey, who is one of the first people I’d been able to speak to about being mixed. Charlotte’s work is an exploration of that space in a sensitive, feminine way. I was really impressed with the way she speaks about identity and her sense of self, because I don’t think I’ve ever felt comfortable on my own. She told me that I don’t need to apologise for my whiteness.
What’s the best thing about being mixed?
There’s an openness and desire to hear people’s stories. Being mixed has made me inherently very empathetic and interested in people and their cultural heritage. My mum always said that my dad would ask every obviously non-English person where they were from, and she thought it was rude, but now I do the same thing! It’s like finding a kindred spirit, someone else who probably isn’t fully comfortable in this space.
Can you sum up your mixed identity in a word?
Complicated. But through complicated experiences, you can come out the other side.
Head to Purslane.co.uk to visit Ambrosia, a group exhibition raising money for Mermaids - a charity and advocacy organisation that supports gender variant and transgender youth. The exhibition closes on 2nd September 2021.
Next week, I’ll be talking to… me! To mark the first anniversary of Mixed Messages, the tables were turned and I was interviewed by the wonderful Natalie Morris (previous guest and author of Mixed/Other). Subscribe to get Mixed Messages in your inbox on Monday, and follow Mixed Messages on Instagram to be the first to hear about our incredible first anniversary giveaway!
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Mixed Messages is a weekly exploration of the mixed-race experience, from me, Isabella Silvers. My mom is Punjabi Indian (by way of East Africa) and my dad is White British, but finding my place between these two cultures hasn’t always been easy. That’s why I started Mixed Messages, where each week I’ll speak to a prominent mixed voice to delve into what it really feels like to be mixed.